


sleep deprived superheroes (and twitter aren't a good mix)

by burdenedwithgloriousfandoms



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (im joking ily), (please give me more content), And all that jazz, Avengers Family, Because Fuck Marvel, Bisexual Peter Parker, Depression, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I need a hug, Iron Dad & Spider-Son, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Secret Identity, Social Media, Stucky - Freeform, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Trans Peter Parker, Twitter Fic, everyone is bi/gay lmao, flash can Fuck Off, no beta we die like tony stark, peter's a bit of a mess but aren't we all, too many references because i am Nerd, uh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2020-05-20 16:09:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 25,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19380151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burdenedwithgloriousfandoms/pseuds/burdenedwithgloriousfandoms
Summary: spooder @ActuallySpider-Manyo I think I got stabbed lmaoIron Stank @TonyStarkKID WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU IM ON MY WAYspooder @ActuallySpider-Manomg it's mr iron can-no.1 SI intern @peter-parkouruh so yeet igno.1 SI intern @peter-parkour[image of Tony asleep in lab bench, amid bits and pieces of Iron Man armour]he finally fell asleep binch-Peter starts a Spider-Man twitter and an intern twitter. It goes just as well (and just as gay) as you'd expect.





	1. he need some milk

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [twitter is onto something](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15625167) by [pomegranateboy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pomegranateboy/pseuds/pomegranateboy). 



spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
sometimes I just really want a nice glass of milk  
  
  
yeetyeet @chickenfeet  
Eyyyyy another spiderman account I hope this one's fun  
  
Amelia :) @babycarrots217  
I wonder when Spidey will actually get a twitter lol  
  
two bros @chillininahottub  
Imagine if this was actually Spider-Man tho and we all thought it was a parody account  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
lmao  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
[image of a colourful sunset over the New York skyline taken from obviously high up]  
sunset was heckin great, glad to be out spider-manning tonight!   
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
lmao mr snark doesn't know I have twitter so I can say what I want about him until he shows up  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
reasons why anthony starky is a dumbass:  
\- he doesn't sleep for days sometimes and then ends up passing out in the middle of a lab  
\- one of his robots (/children), DUM-E, makes smoothies that generally contain motor oil and screws etc. last week mr stark was so out of it with sleep deprivation that he drank one without thinking  
\- steve took his shirt off once after a battle and mr stark walked into a wall (I mean same tho, Steve has abs for days)  
\- he programmed FRIDAY to talk back but gets annoyed every time she does  
\- he pretends he isn't Soft and Sentimental but he actually is  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
it's exposing toby starch o'clock feel free to join in  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
KID  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
He Is Summoned  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS??? WHY?? Wait when did you even get a twitter?????  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Also wtf it's 2am get off the internet go to bed  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
no u  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
:(  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
ok ok im going  
  
  
two bros @chillininahottub  
LMAO I WAS RIGHT  
  
Amelia :) @babycarrots217  
holy crap an actual spider-man account?????? Aaaahhhh  
  
red gay @gayred  
I'm so happy omg spider-man is my fav <3  
  
Liam B @bitchfacemcgee  
it still could be a parody account...  
  
ily thor! @aussiechild  
hell no that's actual Tony Stark, mate  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
oh hey look at that I got verified already thank u mr starch and sorry for stealing ur sandwich  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
You're welcome, kid.  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Wait my sandwich??  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
shite  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
I made all the avengers read good omens so we could watch the new Amazon series together   
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
problem is I only have one very tattered copy I found in a second hand shop a few years ago, so they all had to take turns reading it  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
Tony offered to buy everyone a copy but I told him that it's basically a tradition by this point to borrow an old, falling apart copy from a friend (I did when I first read it anyway lol) so he shut up and read it  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
anyway long story short they all loved it, we binged the series and HOLY SHIT ITS FANTASTIC ily david tennant, michael sheen, neil gaiman and everyone else who was involved <3  
  
Neil Gaiman @neilhimself  
I'm glad you enjoyed it  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
sksjksjshskkdjdkslsjjslslsksjsh aaaaahh <333333  
  
  
CROWLEYCROWLEYCROWLEYYY@treefullofmonkeys  
Ineffable husbands???  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
INEFFABLE HUSBANDS <3  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
yo I think I got stabbed lmao   
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
KID WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU IM ON MY WAY  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
omg it's mr iron can


	2. happy pride moth yall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iron Stank @TonyStark  
> You're the reason I have grey hairs, kiddo
> 
> spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
> have you considered that might just be because you're old?
> 
> Iron Stank @TonyStark  
> Who the hell taught you to be so snarky???
> 
> spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
> obviously you mr snark sir

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
uh so yeet ig  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
[image of Tony asleep in lab bench, amid bits and pieces of Iron Man armour]  
he finally fell asleep, Ms Potts is gonna kill him for staying awake for 3 days straight and Cap's gonna give him a PSA   
  
  
a mess @bibibiiiii  
This account literally just popped out of nowhere, is it legit??  
  
yeeterooni @yeeterooni  
...unless he got that pic from the internet??? I guess????  
  
idjit @iamironstan  
guess we'll have to wait and see  
  
  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
[shaky video of Clint screaming something incoherent and vaulting over the couch towards the camera, whoever's behind it is cackling with laughter as they run]  
i ate the leftover pizzastggsjjsbnskkssjlnksh sn a;  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
[photo through bars of metal, you can just see the top of Clint's head]  
i've escaped into the vents, which is funny bc Clint is always the one in the vents   
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
[same photo but Clint has his phone in his hand and is staring up at him]  
wait does Clint have twitter  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
Yup.  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
OH SHIT  
[blurred photo of hawkeye's head poking up through now open vent]  
  
  
idjit @iamironstan  
Huh  
  
Ass(TM) @asgardianassgardian  
Huh indeed  
  
yeeterooni @yeeterooni  
@peter-parkour wait so you're actually an intern at SI??? How come you know the avengers?  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
I'm actually Mr. Stark's personal intern, and it just kinda went from there  
  
raiiiinnnnnbooowww @thatsgay  
@peter-parkour did you escape Clint?  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
Thankfully, yevvggdghhgdhskksjd  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
Hello, this is Clint. I am holding Peter's phone hostage until he tells me where my pizza went  
  
  
raiiiinnnnnbooowww @thatsgay  
Lmao who's gonna break the news to him  
  
gal pals my ass @spacelesbian  
Not me  
  
Ass(TM) @asgardianassgardian  
same  
  
lord of the bling @yoloswaggins  
Ok fine,,,   
@peter-parkour ate the pizza  
(sorry Peter, rip)  
  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
I have just discovered that the pizza now resides in Peter's stomach. This is a betrayal. A bitch gonna die.  
  
  
gal pals my ass @spacelesbian  
f  
  
raiiiinnnnnbooowww @thatsgay  
f  
  
two bros @chillininahottub  
f  
  
crying rn @depressedfangirl  
f  
  
ouch my life @erinarren  
f  
  
dooweedoooo @childrenoftime  
f  
  
Memethew @matthews17638  
f  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
ffffffffff  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
I lived bitch  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
omg so many people are freaking out I'm so sorry! I healed pretty much completely within several hours of getting shot so I'm 100% fine. It's a reeeeelatively regular occurrence dw  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
You're the reason I have grey hairs, kiddo  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
have you considered that might just be because you're old?  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Who the hell taught you to be so snarky???  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
obviously you mr snark sir  
  
-  
  
[news twitter]  
News @news acct  
Spider-Man gets twitter and publicly roasts Tony Stark! #ActuallySpider-Man #MrSnark  
  
  
SPIDER-FAN @hellohell  
Mr Snark I'm crying-  
  
raiiiinnnnnbooowww @thatsgay  
snarky starky  
  
Memethew @matthews17638  
KSKSJSKJSKSKSKDHJAGAGAHSJ  
  
Amelia :) @babycarrots217  
We don't deserve Spidey but I'm so glad we have him asdjdjfjkf  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
@actualprincess ily  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
ily2 :P  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
how's Wakanda?  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
I'm working on some new technology that will allow our planes to [redacted] while [redacted] which will be useful for [redacted]  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
Top secret lmao sorry I'll tell u over text  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
that's my gal <3 smarty pants   
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
Awwww <3 (actually the tech is for farming lol)  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
im kinda late but  
HAPPY PRIDE MOTH EVERYONE YOU'RE ALL SO STRONG AND AMAZING AND INSPIRING I LOVE YOU ALL  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
also @danielhowell omg your video made me cry,, thank u so much and I'm so proud of u (and phil too) <3  
  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
'Pride moth'  
  
two bros @chillininahottub  
'Pride moth'  
  
SPIDEY SAYS GAY RIGHTS @queerbby11  
'Pride moth'  
  
raiiiinnnnnbooowww @thatsgay  
'Pride moth'  
  
demön! @nebulaeex  
  
Pride moth  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
oh my god that's amazing sksjksjshskkdjdkslsjjslslsksjsh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> random people are random (im just making up names yeet)  
> happy pride moth <3


	3. america's ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
> Good morning world, can we all take a moment to thank whatever god that's responsible for Steven Grant Roger's ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go check out chapter 2 again it has bonus pride moth art by me *dabs*  
> i meant to upload this the other day but im in a shitty internet place (screw australia lmao)

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
I lived, bitch  
  
I have 257 knives @blackwindow  
How? Clint loves his pizza  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
I did puppy dog eyes   
  
I have 257 knives @blackwindow  
Oh shit  
  
-  
  
spoodyman fan @dundundunnn  
@peter-parkour do you know @ActuallySpider-Man ?  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
I do! heyyyyy @ActuallySpider-Man  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
bro <3  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
bro <3  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
peter actually has a lot to do with me. he often helps out with suit upgrades and new webbing!  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
awwww thanks :)  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
np also I think Steve's cooking spaghett so we should probs go help/eat it all  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
yessssssss Steve spaghett 😫💦  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Wh-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
oh it's mr stank gotta blast  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
The two of you are on the same couch rn I'm ???  
  
-  
  
flash @fastestman  
@ActuallySpider-Man you're my favourite superhero!  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
Eye-  
  
BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
Stop thirsting, Eugene, no one wants to see that  
  
flash @fastestman  
Stop being a bitch, Michelle, no one wants to see that  
  
cindy @moonmoon  
flash shut up or she'll kick you off acadec  
  
flash @fastestman  
yeah whatever but still you can't deny that Spider-Man is awesome  
  
BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
that's literally the only thing I agree with you on  
  
-  
  
fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Good morning world, can we all take a moment to thank whatever god that's responsible for Steven Grant Roger's ass  
  
on your above, asshole @falconsam  
Since when do you have twitter???   
  
fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Since I decided I needed to publicly praise America's Ass  
  
stove @CaptainAmerican't  
Bucky oh my god please get off twitter Ms Potts is actually going to stab you  
  
fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Fuckjjsksjsns n  
  
-  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
@PepperPotts I love you I'm sorry for not sleeping   
  
Stark CEO @PepperPotts  
I love you too but please get off twitter you're in a meeting  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Shit u right  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Wait you're in the meeting too  
  
Stark CEO @PepperPotts  
Yes, but I'm much better at multitasking and also much better at hiding my phone. Now get off.  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Yes ma'am sorry ma'am  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
lmao rip  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
PETER YOURE IN CLASS  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
shit u rite  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
[selfie taken from the top of a building- you can see Spider-Man's mask and the suit down to his shoulders. He's doing a peace sign with the arm not holding the camera, and in the background you can see the city and a cloudless blue sky]   
beautiful afternoon to patrol Queens, say hi if you see me, I don't bite (hard)!  
  
-  


breaking news @newyorknews  
Spider-Man stops out-of-control truck, saves 5 people  
  
Spider-Man sightings @NYspiderman  
Spider-Man saves at least 5 people, including two kids aged 11 and 14, from freak accident in Queens  
[photo of Spider-Man holding the front of a truck, stopping it just before it hits a car]  
[photo of uninjured family and truck driver posing for a photo with Spider-Man]  
  
  
raiiiinnnnnbooowww @thatsgay  
oh my god I was in a shop next to the whole thing it was fucking terrifying thank you @ActuallySpider-Man  
  
andrew @orcboy557  
I wouldn't be alive right now if it wasn't for you @ActuallySpider-Man I'm still shaking thank you so much oh god  
  
  
The Bugle @the-bugle-official  
Spider-Man may save lives, but has the crime rate risen because of him?  
  
BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
@the-bugle-official fuck off no one likes your shitty newspaper anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a load of chapters written (oh my god this is so easy and fun to write that i'm finding myself procrastinating on my 283762897 other in progress fics by writing this) so i should be uploading again soon. tell me what u think of it all so far! comments make me very happy :)


	4. you not my dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
> Why is Tony on the floor now?
> 
> COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
> Wait he's crying???
> 
> COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
> Oh of course it's his kid hahahaha binch

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
iron man is my favourite avenger  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
I'm... extremely honoured  
  
Stark CEO @PepperPotts  
He's lying on the couch, crying into the pillows  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Why Would You Expose Me In This Way?  
  
I have 258 knives @blackwindow  
...who's your fav, Tony?  
  
war machine??? @IronicPatriot  
You've gotta tell us now, Nat is currently polishing her new favourite knife on the tea towel in the kitchen  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
you better watch out, you better watch out, yoU BETTER WATCH OUT  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Spider-Man is my favourite Avenger  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
SKSJSKKSHSKSKDJJSKAJABKAJAJAHKAJSHSHKAJAJDHEJEBAAKSKSJFLDKBDKLDLFKAJGAKSKDK,,, mr dad im,,,,,,,,,,,  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
spoodyman just rung me sobbing What Did You Do To Him  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
Oh lmao  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Wait... Mr Dad???  
  
-  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
Why is Tony on the floor now?  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
Wait he's crying???  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
Oh of course it's his kid hahahaha binch  
  
  
  
SPIDER-MAN SAYS GAY RIGHTS @freddieddie  
Wait what,,, 'his kid'  
  
Disaster lesbian @adoringadora  
oh my god I know it's just one word but is Spider-Man Tony Stark's son??? What??????  
  
Tolkien spam mainly @rivendellrabbit  
I mean it would make sense? Tony was a playboy and could potentially have an illegitimate child from back then???? Anyone know how old Spidey is?  
  
yeetyeet @chickenfeet  
I'd say he's school aged? Because if you've ever met him, his voice is a bit high-pitched, and he also does seem to patrol only outside school hours. And take a look at his tweets, he's totally Gen Z  
  
all women are queens @alliemac  
the idea of Spidey being in school is insane holy shit   
  
spider-fan @deadgirlwalking  
ikr?? I can barely manage my subjects along with karate twice a week, and he's out all night??  
  
asdfghjkl @ironwoman  
Tony would be a great dad now tho, I'd say,,, even from the little interaction I've seen him have with Spider-Man,, aaahhh  
  
-  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
Why is everyone asking me if Spider-Man is Tony's child? Of course he is??  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
Wait shit  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
Pepper has just informed me that no,  he's not Tony's actual child. Please believe me when I say it was an accident and I actually thought he was his biological kid, and please don't go saying he is or Pepper will actually have my head.  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
In my defence they totally seem like father and son  
  
Stark CEO @PepperPotts  
Clint.  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
I'M SORRY  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
TONY STARK IS NOT MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER I LITERALLY MET HIM A FEW YEARS AGO 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

@TonyStark [[you’re not my dad vine]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbfVd2bqFXg)

  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
I'm actually an orphan lmao my parents died when I was smol I live with a relative  
  
gotham aaaahhhh @adamdamn  
Are you batman???  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
No I'm an arachnid not a mammal  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
I do wish I had a cape tho  
  
Guy In The Chair @chair-man  
  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
:(  
  
-  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
the most chaotic part of being a stark industries intern is tony mcfreaking stark  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
not Thor walking around shirtless (a tripping hazard because DAMN THAT MAN), or Clint falling out of random vents, or finding a knife under the table or door that Nat or Bucky have hidden,,,   
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
tony stark is actually a really weird dude. like he has a more screwed up sleeping pattern than even me (and that's saying something), he has random stashes of food (mainly blueberries??) around the tower, and he wears an insane amount of iron man merch  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
the first time I was in his lab he was like 'hey wanna blow up some old iron man armour?' and I was like wtf no but also yes  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
so we went and blew up old iron man armour  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
the other day he walked into the lab and decided that we were going to make a new toaster that can use lightning to toast bread bc Clint keeps daring Thor to toast bread with his lightning powers but they always end up toasting the whole bench  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
so now we're making toasters I guess. new line from stark industries: thor powered toasters??  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
when a couple of friends first convinced me to get an intern twitter I was like ??? what am I gonna tweet??? but actually there's a lot of stuff, this house is weird af  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
Ikr,,, the other day I was sparring with Nat (losing, obviously) and Tony and Clint just showed up to watch and ate popcorn/threw popcorn at us  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
the first time I met Tony he just,, showed up at my house and I was so confused and also terrified but he was like hey u wanna go to Germany lets go here's a cool suit now fight cap  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
it was really fun lmao (but I was also fanboying the whole time bc all these amazing superheroes I've looked up to for so long and now I'm amongst them??? Whh??)  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
oh also the shawarma story lmao  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
What is it with you two and exposing me?  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
you deserve it  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
you broke Peter's phone by sitting on it, so yes   
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Now you don't have any excuses not to accept the StarkPhone I've been trying to give to you since I first met you  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
ok fiiiiiine mr dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i prooooooooomise i'll update the kids arent alright and im coming home.... yeah....... sometime soon........  
> hope all of you are having a good day/night/stranger things binge
> 
> btw i haven't seen far from home yet... i'm in the middle of nowhere rn the nearest cinema is like a 40min drive and i can't be bothered... please don't spoil


	5. robin is my wife and i love her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
> I'm lesbian
> 
> Shuruwui @actualprincess  
> I thought you were American

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
@TonyStark you are my daaaad, you're my dad! boogie woogie woogie   
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Why are you like this  
  
-  
  
BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
I'm lesbian  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
I thought you were American  
  
BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
Oh my god wait are you princess Shuri?? Peter's told me about you   
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
that's me B)  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
wait what did he tell you??  
  
BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
All good things, don't worry  
  
-

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

i

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

i finished stranger things 3 and there are actual tears on my face

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

but also

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

bITCH WHAT THE FUCK

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

also I have had Calm Down stuck in my head all day and I think it might be because I've been thinking about Robin and I think it kinda suits her also I LOVE HER SO MUCH OH MY GOD 

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

anyway time to go fight crime I guess

 

-

  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
I’ve been wanting to re-read Good Omens since we watched the series,,, and im in the middle of yeeting myself through the city to go to the tower but I thought I better tell this story before I forgot  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
anyway so back when I first read GO, I borrowed a tattered, falling apart copy from a friend. The friend had been telling me for like 2 years how good it was and about his copy, which was his dad’s and was like a 1st edition or something  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
I took it away with me when I went on a small road trip with my guardian to see some of her friends. We were staying in this hotel place and I was about half way or so through it by that point, and one night at like 1am I was lying in bed pretending to be asleep (watching youtube) and then I hear this far-off beeping start  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
it gets louder and louder, and im sitting in bed holding my phone going ‘the fuck??’ and then I realise it’s the start of a fucking fire alarm  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
my guardian wakes up as it starts going off properly (yknow the ones that go EMERGENCY EVACTUATE NOW EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY WHOOP WHOOP in that man voice) and I kinda start freaking out bc all my stuff is in my suitcase and I know im supposed to leave my shit behind in a fire but  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
im sleep deprived and possibly hyperventilating by this point, and I see Good Omens sitting on my bedside table and im like ‘shit my frien will be so mad if it gets burnt in the fire’ so I shove it in my backpack with my phone and charger and everything off my bedside table  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
we go down the stairs and end up standing outside in the drizzle for like 40 minutes with everyone else, in our pyjamas, while the firemen come and check it all out  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
and im just there clutching Good Omens like plz ineffable husbands protecc me  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
anyway yeah it was apparently just someone burning eggs or some shit at 1am and everyone grumbled and went back inside and went to sleep  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
when I got back to NY I was like hey bro I saved ur Good Omens and he was like NO U FUCKIGNG MORON SAVE YOURSELF ITS JUST A BOOk  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
anyway oh shit theres a crime byeet  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
Wild

-  
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
Vision educated himself in musicals and I am Scared  
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
he's moved on from Hamilton (thank god) and is now singing Heathers  
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
I think Nat is ready to stab him. Clint took his hearing aids out and is peacefully watching subtitled Shrek 2  
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
Oh no Spider-Man just came through the window   
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
Update: Spider-Man and Vis are both singing Meant to be Yours  
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
Update: they've finished heathers and moved onto le mis. Tony has joined in. Bruce has earplugs. They're pretending to wave flags and shoot each other   
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
Update: oh god they're singing under the sea I'm never going to get this out of my head  
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
Update: I have left the building via the window  
  
-  
  
fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Steve is away on a mission and I'm lonely :,(  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
this is so sad FRIDAY play despacito  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
in all seriousness though, do you wanna come watch a movie with me Bruce and Thor? we're in the common room  
  
fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Actually that would be really nice, thanks  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
the options are: 2017 beauty and the beast, the princess bride orrrrrr nanny mcphee. i really don’t care what u choose bc my mind is dead from binge watching  
  
-  
  
war machine??? @IronicPatriot  
Why is despacito playing on repeat through the whole tower?  
  
-  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
I just got back to the tower and everyone is hiding under desks/wearing earmuffs/leaving I'm confused?? Did Doom try and break in again???  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Wait that song sounds familiar  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Wait shit Spidey not again  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Why is FRIDAY not listening to me?????  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Okay I've reached the avengers common room and it seems that it's playing everywhere but in here because Thor, Bruce, Bucky and Spidey are peacefully watching Princess Bride  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
I publicly apologise to all stark industries employees for accidentally making FRIDAY play despacito on repeat for 40 minutes (again)

Shuruwui @actualprincess  
you should play 7x whats new pussycat, 1x its not unusual and then 13x whats new pussycat  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
oh my god yes

Iron Stank @TonyStark  
No.  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
we just finished the movie and Thor is crying happily into Bruce's sweater (it's a really nice soft one, Bruce is big soft)  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
Bucky is happy, which is good  
  
brissie boi @riprosso  
and how are you?  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
Oh! I'm good :) thanks for asking  
  
  
brissie boi @riprosso  
oh my god he is so pure and soft protect at all costs  
  
oopsies @poppygloria11  
he is omg  
  
Disaster lesbian @adoringadora  
ikr??? Aaahhh   
  
Disaster Gay @spaceace  
spooder defence squad, assemble!  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
rt  
  
Stark CEO @PepperPotts  
rt  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
rt  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
rt  
  
war machine??? @IronicPatriot  
rt  
  
science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
rt  
  
fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
rt  
  
on your above, asshole @falconsam  
rt  
  
Vision @Vision  
rt  
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
rt  
  
-  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
working on spider-man suit upgrade!! yeet!  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
can this one go through the wash without things coming off?  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
in theory, yes, but we haven't tested it yet  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
testing...  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
ahahahaha   
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
HONEY WHERES MY SUPERSUIT  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
fuck it shrunk im sorry babe  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
noooooooooo binch >:(  
  
-  
  
Hottest superhero rumours! @heroweekly  
Who is peter-parkour and is he dating Spider-Man?  
  
  
Guy In The Chair @chair-man  
ksksjsjskjhskjshdjskd @peter-parkour  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
oh shit  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh  
> 1\. i saw far from home (ye im back in the city where there is marginally better wifi. the nbn is a fucking lie) and AAAAHHHH OH MY GOD i loved it but also i just really wanna grab peter and hug him and then go resurrect tony goddamn stark because holy fuck,,,,  
> also brad or whatever his name is plays a dude called simon in a show called harrow that i love and i didnt know he was in this movie so when he showed up i screeched and knocked my skittles over in the middle of the cinema. for some reason it seems that the only character remy hii plays that isn't a douchebag is simon :(  
> 2\. i saw stranger things 3 and also AAHHH  
> 3\. there will be no spoilers for either of those in here so dw  
> 4\. the good omens story is real and happened to me,,,  
> 5\. if the spacing is weird its because i write it on my phone and then edit it on my laptop and they can't agree on spacing idk  
> 6\. i am not a musical kid. my friend is. i had to deal with her hamilton phase in 2017 and it was not fun.


	6. furvengers vs wrinkly grape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuruwui @actualprincess  
> Wait whomst the fuckest is deadpool
> 
> rip stan lee @deadpool  
> me uwu

flash @fastestman

Peter Parker is a fake lol

 

flash @fastestman

He claims to know the avengers and spider-man but really he's a disgrace to their names

 

flash @fastestman

And he is always coming up with bullshit excuses to skip school and acadec. I don't know why they haven't kicked him out already.

 

not lincoln @abebabe

Wow who pissed in your cereal this morning?

 

flash @fastestman

Fuck off

 

not lincoln @abebabe

So Eloquent

 

-

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

when u sad :(

 

-

 

**[8:32am]**

**[group chat: golden trio but gen z]**

 

**the chosen one:** Ned sent me this,,,, they think I'm dating myself

 

**darth ned:** are you thinking what im thinking B1

 

**the chosen one:** I think I am B2

 

**queen mj:** please tell me you're going to screw with them

 

**the chosen one:** 10 points to mj!!

**the chosen one:** of course I am

 

**queen mj:** also

**queen mj:** don't let flash get to you

**queen mj:** he's a massive dick and wants attention

**queen mj:** tbh he probs has a really small dick

 

**the chosen one:** is that supposed to make me and my non-existent dick feel better?

 

**queen mj:** yes

 

**darth ned:** yes

 

**the chosen one:** hh I guess it does

**the chosen one:** thanks gays <3

 

**darth ned:** <3

 

**queen mj:** <

 

**darth ned:** dammit

**darth ned:** one day she will do heart emoji

 

-

 

who ya gonna call @dumbassboogara

@ActuallySpider-Man what powers do you have?? bc I am Confusion

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

I don't blame u lmao, they're pretty weird. Some people think it's the suit, which isn't true- my first suit was homemade and yeah, yeah ok mr stank its basically a onesie

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

then toby starch over here came along and gave me a heckin cool suit, which pretty much has an AI which helps with stuff sometimes, more high-tech webshooters, and allows me a wide range of movement

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

so that's the suit down,, now onto powers

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

my powers are basically:

-sticky (stick to everything- took a while to get a hang of bc I couldn't figure out how to unstick)

-strength (can lift very heavy stuff like a bus idk. also can swing without hurting myself and/or ripping myself apart so I'd say that's part of strength)

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

-healing (pretty quick, not as good as deadpools tho)

-Spidey-sense (uh,,, anxiety on steroids that's useful when fighting to warn me of what's about to happen but not useful in everyday life when it's just the back of my head screaming at me and I have no idea what's happening)

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

Thx b

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

go away

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

:( ok

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

im kidding im kidding, meet me at that churro place and I'll give u a hug, u better be in one piece tho

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

:D

 

basically im crying @danstan

wait so the webs don't actually like,, come out of you

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

eww no, I make them with chemicals n stuff and shoot them with webshooters (wristband thingies)

 

yeetyeet @chickenfeet

How did you get your powers??

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

got bit by a radioactive spider from a lab on a field trip lmao

 

yeetyeet @chickenfeet

Woah what the fuck

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

yeah it was Unpleasant (also, yes, the spider curled up and died afterwards so no yall can't have spider powers too)

 

who ya gonna call @dumbassboogara

damn

 

-

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

@ActuallySpider-Man are you cheating on me with dp??? I can't believe ur going to get churros without me :(

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

[selfie of spider-man and deadpool, masks pulled up just so their mouths are visible, eating churros together. dp is laughing]

sorry babe but he's not too broke to buy churros

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

binch

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

Wait whomst the fuckest is deadpool

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

me uwu

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

feckin furry

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

heckin hypocrite

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

children calm down,, in this house we love and respect furries

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

wait but the avengers are basically a bunch of furries

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

shit u rite

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

T'Challa's fursona is a panther

Sam's fursona is a falcon

Clint's fursona is a hawk

Natasha's fursona is a black widow spider

Spidey's fursona is a spider

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

Captain America's fursona is America

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

shit u rite

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

Bucky = white wolf

mr stark's fursona is a tin can

Bruce's fursona is the hulk

Ant-Man and Wasp... I mean obvious

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

you should change your name to The Furvengers

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

that joke was too bad, I am retiring Goodbye

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

Thanos' fursona is a fucking wrinkly grape

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

wait mr loki mentioned thanos, he attacked the Asgardians ship but the Guardians (gardens of the galaxy) showed up and together they smooshed him into mashed grapes so how do u know about him

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

you really don't want to know (i saw the movie, I cried)

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

dp ur doing the meta thing again shut up and eat ur churros before I do

 

-

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

Ok I'm actually really confused who is deadpool

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

Wait why are you talking about deadpool?

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

Spidey is hanging out with him and idk who he is

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

Spidey is hanging out with deadpool?????

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

Yeah lol didn't u see his tweets they're eating churros

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

No I accidentally blew my phone up

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

WAIT THEYRE GETTING CHURROS

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

HELL NO @ActuallySpider-Man come to tower rn

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

mr dad!!! he's okay!! he hasn't killed anyone this week, and im very proud of that

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

awwww <3

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

ARGH

 

totally not scott @gi-ant-man

parenting, am I right?

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

go away scott

 

totally not scott @gi-ant-man

:(

 

-

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

I still don't know who deadpool is :(

 

-

 

Hottest superhero rumours! @heroweekly

Trouble in paradise? Peter accuses Spider-Man of cheating on him with Deadpool!

 

Spider-Man sightings @NYspiderman

ok so yall keep asking who deadpool is, I'm linking [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) very useful article on the superhero wiki (I didn't know there were so many small local superheroes around wtf new york)

 

BuzzFeed @BuzzFeed

Sparkour? Pidey? Speter? We need a ship name! Vote [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)! Or will Spideypool take the win?

 

 

raiiiinnnnnbooowww @thatsgay

im so confused

 

Ricky Mouseworth @bigfootbeliever

who even is peter?? Is he actually an intern? I know he seems to know the avengers but still ???

 

seen stranger things 3!! @cactushouse

My cousin's boyfriend is a Stark Industries intern, I'll ask him if he knows a peter...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to say thank you to everyone who has read, left kudos and commented. i've just got back to school from holidays and i,,, wasn't really looking forward to the holidays. wasn't completely sure i'd survive them. but i'm still here (ready for another stress packed term yeethaw) and i want to say thank you because you guys have made these past weeks so much better for me and yeah. thanks <3
> 
> btw im thinking the endgame ship in this will be harley/peter so prepare thyself. i like most peter ships but i think i've decided to go with that one for this fic yeet


	7. conspiracy theories???? ass????? heelys???????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> science nerd @greenbeanbruce
> 
> Why are Spidey and Tony rolling around the lab in heelys what is happening
> 
>  
> 
> spooder @ActuallySpider-Man
> 
> HEELYS
> 
>  
> 
> science nerd @greenbeanbruce
> 
> I hate this fucking family

two bros @chillinginahottub

I swear to god I just saw Spider-Man rolling down the sidewalk in fUCKING SPIDER-MAN THEMED HEELYS

 

two bros @chillinginahottub

WY DOES NO ONE BELIEVE ME

 

Allie @transbutterfly

I SAW HIM TOO SJDSHDGDHKJFS I HAVE A VIDEO

[shaky phone camera video of spider-man nyoooooming down the footpath wearing light-up spider-man heelys]

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

@ActuallySpider-Man IM COMING OVER RIGHT NOW WHY DIDNT U TELL ME YOUD FINALLY GOT THE HEELYS

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

YES PLZ COME I CAN TRY AND GET A BLACK PANTHER CUSTOM PAIR FOR U

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

IM ON MY WAY

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

Kid, when you asked for my credit card to buy 'something extremely important' this is not what I had in mind

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

IM SORRY BUT I FOUND THESE ONLINE AND IM BROKE SO

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

wait mr starbch I have an idea for a new alteration to the iron man suit

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

oh my god yes please tell me it's what I'm thinking

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

what if we put wheels on the shoe heels and then ur suit would have fREAKING HEELYS

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

No

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

yes

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

No

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

yes

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

No

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

pleeeeeaaase

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

OK FINE

 

-

 

science nerd @greenbeanbruce

Why are Spidey and Tony rolling around the lab in heelys what is happening

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

HEELYS

 

science nerd @greenbeanbruce

I hate this fucking family

 

-

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

My bf's cousin asked me if I knew anyone who worked at Stark Industries as an intern and is called Peter.... As far as I know, there isn't anyone, and I've never heard of Tony Stark having a personal intern

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

But a friend of mine pointed out that there is this random kid in the tower at weird times. We call him junior, I don't think we have clearance to know his name lmao

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

I've seen him with Tony Stark on multiple occasions, and also with a couple of other avengers

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

The main theories surrounding him that we've come up with are:

-he's stark's (illegitimate?) son

-he's one of the smaller NY superheroes

-he's actually an intern somehow

-he's a relative of one of the other avengers, or pepper potts

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

So yeah, this kid could potentially be peter-parkour, it would make sense. Btw, he's like 14-16 years old?? I'd guess that anyway.

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

Also plz don't fire me mr stark or ms potts I really love my job

 

 

Ricky Mouseworth @bigfootbeliever

hmmmm

 

seen stranger things 3!! @cactushouse

I'm thinking that that kid is Peter but.... Whether he is also the other things..... I wonder......

 

raiiiinnnnnbooowww @thatsgay

We thought (and still wonder if) Spidey is stark's son, and now peter... How many children does Tony have???

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

Many

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

I don't know them all but sometimes he mentions these random kids names and im like ???

 

raiiiinnnnnbooowww @thatsgay

SPIDEY WHAT ARE U DOING LOOKING AT THEORIES

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

I'm with Peter and we are laughing

 

seen stranger things 3!! @cactushouse

SKSJKSJSJSJSKKE HES FOUND US NO

 

here and queer @starkstan01

AVENGERS CONSPIRACY FANS HES FOUND US ABORT ABORT

 

-

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

I got new jeans but they smell like that weird milky tea bad smell and it's in my nose and I can't focus on anything else help

 

BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones

Did you wash them??

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

YES

 

BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones

Wash them again.

 

-

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

babe come over my guardian's out we can watch movie

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

babe I'm washing my jeans I'll be there soon

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

ugh hurry up or I'll go find deadpool instead

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

noooooooooooo that binch stealing my boyf

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

hey babe do u think in an alternate reality there's me but a pig called spider-ham

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

only if he has the voice of john mulaney

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

what the fuck is going on in here on this day

 

-

 

**[9:58pm]**

**Michelle Jones added Roger Harrington, Ned Leeds, Peter Parker, Abe Brown, Charles Murphey, Cindy Moon, Sally Avril and Flash Thompson to Unnamed Chat**

**Michelle Jones renamed Unnamed Chat to Acadec chat**

**Michelle Jones:** I thought I should probably make an acadec gc because.... I don't know. You guys are probably just going to turn this into memes and thirsting.

 **Michelle Jones:** I don't blame you Mr Harrington if you mute this chat and never check it (probably a good idea) but I thought it'd be useful for you to be on it anyway

 **Michelle Jones:** I'm regretting everything already I'm going to go bye

 

**[10:00pm] Michelle Jones has gone offline**

**[12:41am] Peter Parker is online**

**Michelle Jones' name has been changed to badass boss lady**

**Ned Leeds' name has been changed to [hacker voice] I'm in**

**Cindy Moon's name has been changed to moon moon**

**Sally Avril's name has been changed to Sal-E**

**Roger Harrington's name has been changed to Mr Harrington**

**Charles Murphey's name has been changed to ily bon jovi**

**Abe Brown's name has been changed to abebabe**

**Flash Thompson's name has been changed to gotta go fast**

**Peter Parker's name has been changed to bean**

 

**[12:46am] bean has gone offline**

 

 

**[8:11am] gotta go fast is online**

**gotta go fast:** what the fuck

 

-

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

I'm in the car with mr stanky and bring me to life came on the radio and I'm just dramatically lip syncing the whole thing and he's looking at me with a very scared expression wAIT MR STAKR KEEP UR EYES ON THE ROAD UR DRIVING

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

oh shit it's a Fancy Pants Smart Car(TM) we okay

 

-

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

so it's lunch and me and a friendo are arguing about whether mothman could beat other cryptids in a fight

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

and he was like 'no way, what has he got against bigfoot?' and I said 'mothman would win because ass'

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

and he just stared at me like '???? you say such cursed things ?????'

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

so I showed him the mothman statue  and now we are watching buzzfeed unsolved yeet

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

oh no he has gotten over his shock and countered with 'but Bigfoot has ass too'

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

im currently googling 'bigfoot ass' brb my search history is so cursed and the FBI agent watching me is probably either confused and scared or agrees that mothman has an ass

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

quick poll: who has a better ass, mothman or bigfoot??

 

vote results:

mothman: 76%

bigfoot: 24%

 

Guy In The Chair @chair-man

goddammit

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

haha binch >:D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic should be called 'sleep deprived author (and ao3 isnt a good mix)'  
> i love you wonderful humans, now imma go procrastinate or something yeet. hope you're all having or have had a good weekend :)


	8. the adventures of junior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> abebabe: I was gonna ask if you've seen all the Spidey stuff on twitter
> 
> gotta go fast: yes! I was one of spidey's first followers!
> 
> ily bon jovi: haha spidey kin
> 
> gotta go fast: hahaha bon jovi kin

stove @CaptainAmerican't

Someone please stop Bucky and Sam arguing they're driving me insane and I'm considering jumping out the window

 

stove @CaptainAmerican't

I mean, it won't be the first time I've jumped out of a really tall building but still

 

stove @CaptainAmerican't

It does hurt but I'm very tempted I mean last time I only broke a few ribs

 

fridge magnet @jbbarnes

Ok ok I'll stop

 

fridge magnet @jbbarnes

Wait when the hell did you jump out of a really tall building?? What is this??? When????

 

stove @CaptainAmerican't

Ahaha it was during the whole SHIELD/Hydra thing

 

stove @CaptainAmerican't

R and team had me in an elevator so I knocked them all out and jumped out of the glass side of the building

 

fridge magnet @jbbarnes

OH MY GOD STEVIE YOU CANT JUST GO JUMPING OUT OF BUILDINGS AND PLANES AND SHIT WITHOUT A PARACHUTE YOU CANT JUST GO AND FALL OFF A GODDAMN HELICARRIER YOU CANT GO AND JUMP ON GRENADES AND CRASH PLANES

 

fridge magnet @jbbarnes

ONE OF THESE DAYS YOURE GONNA GIVE ME A FUCKING HEART ATTACK

 

on your above, asshole @falconsam

Oh so that's why he stopped arguing with me and is now pinning Steve against the wall I'm just gonna leave the room

 

 

emilia @teamstucky11

Wait pinning to wall in the angry way or the sex way

 

on your above, asshole @falconsam

I don't fucking know and that's why I'm leaving the room

 

emilia @teamstucky11

KJSFSGFSGKHGVGDDAGYFRFGD OH MY GOD WHAT

 

-

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

Ok so I got to work today and that fucking kid, Junior, just walks past the intern lab and winks at me

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

Update: he came in oh my god am I fired

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

Update: he hasn't mentioned anything about twitter etc

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

Omg he's looking at our projects and  he just told Ed how to fix a part of his code that he's been stuck on for weeks

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

He's suggesting improvements for most people's projects how smart is this kid??? What???? Who the fuck is he??????

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

He just said that his friend is much better than him at coding and hacking etc and he's better at chemicals and engineering and stuff so holy heck he must be good at that then

 

Science whiz @gayandeuropean

Update: I am now more confused than ever but at least my robot has stopped shouting about the end of days

 

-

 

**[group chat: Acadec chat]**

 

**[5:56pm]**

**[ily bon jovi is online]**

**[[hacker voice] im in is online]**

 

**ily bon jovi:** I'm already sensing that making this was a massive mistake

 

**[hacker voice] im in:** same

**[hacker voice] im in:** I don't really are right now tho, im too busy watching the try guys do stupid shit

 

**ily bon jovi:** oh mood

 

**[abebabe is online]**

 

**abebabe:** have yall been on twitter lately

 

**ily bon jovi:** a bit

**ily bon jovi:** exams n shit tho

 

**[hacker voice] im in:** oof yeah

**[hacker voice] im in:** I've been on there a bit?? Idk

 

**[moon moon is online]**

**[Sal-E is online]**

 

**Sal-E:** do u guys study or are you all geniuses

 

**moon moon:** they're probs procrastinating

**moon moon:** idk how u are so good at not procrastinating plz tell us ur secrets Sally

 

**Sal-E:** I just... get in and do it??

 

**abebabe:** woah that's some serious badassery

 

**ily bon jovi:** true

**ily bon jovi:** I don't think I've ever just got in and done it unless it's like 2am before it's due

 

**[bean is online]**

 

**bean:** sup

 

**[gotta go fast is online]**

 

**bean:** ew it's the sonic movie

 

**gotta go fast:** ew it's penis parker

 

**[badass boss lady is online]**

 

**badass boss lady:** BOYS

 

**bean:** sorryyyyy

 

**badass boss lady:** dw it's mainly him I'm telling off

 

**[badass boss lady has gone offline]**

 

**abebabe:** anyway

**abebabe:** I was gonna ask if you've seen all the Spidey stuff on twitter

 

**gotta go fast:** yes! I was one of spidey's first followers!

 

**ily bon jovi:** haha spidey kin

 

**gotta go fast:** hahaha bon jovi kin

 

**abebabe:** well then you would have seen @peter-parkour

**abebabe:** I'm guessing that's you, Peter?? I'm sorry for ever doubting the internship

 

**bean:** H

 

**[bean has gone offline]**

 

**abebabe:** lmao I'll take that as confirmation then?

 

**gotta go fast:** what??? Parker's internship is obviously a lie gotta go fast: isn't peter-parkour the guy that's apparently dating spiderman?

 

**ily bon jovi:** wait,,,,,,,

**ily bon jovi:** PARKER'S DATING SPIDERMAN???????

 

**[hacker voice] im in:** ahahaha I think they're joking about the dating

**[hacker voice] im in:** but the internship is real and that's how Peter knows spidey

 

**gotta go fast:** no no no

**gotta go fast:** it can't be???

**gotta go fast** : Stark only accepts college graduates at the very least

**gotta go fast:** it's a fake account

 

**[gotta go fast has gone offline]**

 

**[hacker voice] im in:** shit shit shit shit goddammit flash

 

**moon moon:** oh shit I just looked up that twitter acct and lmao why wasn't I following it already?! This shit is hilarious

 

**Sal-E:** I go away for a couple of minutes to get instant noodles and I come back to this...

**Sal-E:** Peter's a smart kid, I never really doubted the internship

**[bean is online]**

**bean:** aww thanks sally

**bean:** also shit does anyone get the feeling that flash is about to do something stupid??

**bean:** whatever, I'm going to bed

 

**abebabe:** ur at the tower according to your tweets

 

**bean:** and??

**bean:** oh yeah I have a room there lmao

 

**[bean has gone offline]**

 

**abebabe:** what tHE FUCKK

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its a bit shorter but oh heckin well hope u like  
> i'm in week 2 or something of the term (idk ive lost count already) (okay apparently its week 3,, shit) and i already have 4 assignments?? i think?? idk i've lost track of that as well
> 
> there should be another chapter of i'm coming home soon(ish), and another chapter of the kids,,,,, eventually. go check them out if u want but im not forcing you or anything. i'm also working on a good omens fic aaaand a far from home credit scene continuation fic thing but with deadpool because i've never really written him before. there's also a sad bfu fic somewhere that i've finished but haven't posted. plz yell at me to finish writing these things and upload them. yelling at me generally helps. im sorry that this end note is a complete mess,,,


	9. shut up yeeter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bean: creeper
> 
> ily bon jovi: aww man
> 
> abebabe: so we back in this mine
> 
> moon moon: ughh fuck you now I'm gonna have this stuck in my head all day

flash @fastestman  
Because I've seen you all talking about who peter-parkour is: there's this boy at my school called Peter Parker, who has claimed to be an intern at SI for the last couple of years  
  
flash @fastestman  
He's lying, obviously, because he just wants attention. Stark doesn't take interns who aren't at least doing extremely well at college, I've researched it.  
  
flash @fastestman  
If peter-parkour is in fact the Peter from my school, don't believe anything he says. I don't know how he's managed to get the avengers to reply to him, but I know for sure he is not an intern. He just wants attention  
  
  
raiiiinnnnnbooowww @thatsgay  
Okay what the hell  
  
cryptid hunter @spacekid111  
uhhhhhhhhhhh,,, should we believe this kid? I mean if he's telling the truth it's a pretty big thing, that peter has managed to make it look like he's actually an intern  
  
troye @childofvine  
I'm inclined to believe Peter. I think he's 'junior' and that he really is an intern for stark. We have no reason to believe this flash kid  
  
ellie @ellieeeee  
I personally think that flash is probably telling the truth. It's highly unlikely that a high school kid is an intern at SI, but still, the account is obviously his because parkour = parker  
  
Guy In The Chair @chair-man  
FLASH WHAT THE HELL  
  
cindy @moonmoon  
Hi yall, I'm a friend of Peter's and I'm gonna vouch for him. He is, in fact, very smart and also most definitely an intern for Tony Stark. I saw him on FaceTime with Stark once, and holy heck, Peter isn't his biological son but he may as well be.  
  
-  
  
Hottest superhero rumours! @heroweekly  
Is @peter-parkour, who claims to know the Avengers, really who he says he is?  
  
Avengers News @avengerswatchUSA  
What's the deal with @peter-parkour? Twitter user @fastestman has something to say about him, and fans are divided.  
  
-  
  
**[group chat: Acadec chat]  
  
[6:24pm]**  
  
**abebabe:** uh peter  
**abebabe:** I know yall are over on twit freaking out but uh  
**abebabe:** peeeeeeter  
**abebabe:** mr parkour sir  
**abebabe:** YEETER YARKER COME ONLINE U NUMBSKULL  
  
**[bean is online]**  
  
**abebabe:** goddamn finallyyyy  
  
**moon moon:** watch your fucking language, abe, oh my fucking god  
  
**ily bon jovi:** yeah we don't swear in this fucking house, shit!  
  
**badass boss lady:** actually maybe you should watch your language mr harrington is in this chat  
  
**ily bon jovi:** shit  
  
**bean:** what do u want abe  
  
**abebabe:** *inhales*  
**abebabe:** YOU HAVE A FUCKING ROOM IN AVENGERS TOWERS STARK INDUSTRIES TONY STARK HOME  
**abebabe:** WHAT THE FUCK  
  
**bean:** language  
**bean:** fuck I've really got into a habit of saying that  
  
**[hacker voice] im in:** lmao f  
  
**ily bon jovi:** f  
  
**abebabe:** f  
  
**moon moon:** f  
  
**abebabe:** wait what are we saying f for  
  
**bean:** it's kinda an inside joke that got out of hand  
  
**abebabe:** ??? with who ????  
  
**[hacker voice] im in:** here we go lol  
  
**bean:** uh  
**bean:** like  
**bean:** the avengers uh  
  
**abebabe:** WHAT THE FUCK  
  
**ily bon jovi:** WHAT THE FUCK  
  
**moon moon:** nice  
  
**Sal-E:** haha that's great  
  
**abebabe:** WHAT?? THE????? FUCK????!???  
  
**ily bon jovi:** ok so first u know the avengers thru internship working in tower etc then u have a room there now u have inside jokes with the avengers  
  
**bean:** pretty much  
  
**moon moon:** haven't u guys been following his twit stark has pretty much adopted him why is this surprising u  
  
**abebabe:** BECAUSE  
  
**[hacker voice] im in:** rip abe  
  
**bean:** oh also cindy  
**bean:** <3 thank  
  
**moon moon:** yw <3  
  
**bean:** ok now im actually going to bed I know it's early but I'm dead and we have a test tomorrow byeet  
  
-  
  
Spider-Man sightings @NYspiderman  
Spider-Man saves five people from a burning building, tells a reporter that he does know twitter user @peter-parkour, and that Peter is, in fact, an intern for SI  
  
-  
  
**[group chat: golden trio but gen z]  
  
[10:58pm]  
  
darth ned:** [screenshot of previous tweet]  
**darth ned:** Peter I thought u were gonna go to sleep  
**darth ned:** goddamn it  
  
-  
  
**[group chat: Acadec chat]  
  
[10:01am]  
  
abebabe:** has anyone else seen Peter around today bc he looks like shit  
**abebabe:** I know he's fucking clumsy and all but uh I'm pretty sure those are burns he's bandaged  
  
**moon moon:** actually yeah  
**moon moon:** Peter u ok??  
  
**[hacker voice] im in:** he told me about it this morning, said he was in the lab with stark and something exploded  
**[hacker voice] im in:** it's nothing too bad, dw  
  
**moon moon:** hm  
**moon moon:** I hope it doesn't hurt too much  
  
**[badass boss lady is online]  
  
badass boss lady:** yall get off ur phones mr H is looking at u suspiciously  
**badass boss lady:** come on, no one just looks down intently at their crotch  
  
**abebabe:** shite  
  
**[abebabe has gone offline]  
[moon moon has gone offline]**  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
good morning i vored god  
  
Guy In The Chair @chair-man  
n o  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

you would not believe your eyes

if ten million fireflies

vored up the world as i fell asleep

cuz they vore the open air

and leave vore pics everywhere

you would think me rude but i would just stand and

vore

 

Guy In The Chair @chair-man  
I am going to hack twitter and delete that

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
: ( my vore song

  
  
  
hillywood fan @destielboy  
So wait you do know that @peter-parkour is telling the truth?  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
yeah I mean we've literally interacted on twitter a heap and people think we're dating,,  
  
troye @childofvine  
Wait so ur not dating??  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
I didn't say that ;)  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
kindly fuck off sir  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
no u  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
:(  
  
-  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
I've been away at a conference for the last day and a half why is everyone tweeting me asking if I know Peter  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Of course I do?? He's my intern???  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
I'm so confused why does the internet always have to ask unnecessary questions  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
thanks old man  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Uh excuse me? Is that any way to talk to the one who raised you?  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
you didn't raise me lmao my aunt did stop fuelling The Son Rumours  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
I may not have raised you from a tiny annoying child but I've still raised you from an excitable puppy teenager into an excitable puppy teenager who can co-design an iron man suit  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
Eye-  
  
-  
  
**[group chat: Acadec chat]  
  
[1:46pm]  
  
[bean is online]  
  
bean:** lmao hi im fine  
  
**[abebabe is online]  
  
abebabe:** you literally blew some shit up tho  
  
**bean:** yeah but it's mostly ok now, it wasn't bad  
  
**[moon moon is online]  
  
moon moon: **that's good  
**moon moon:** didn't stark just say he's been away for the last day and a half tho  
  
**abebabe:** wait wtf yeah uhhh  
  
**bean:** ahahhaha um  
  
**moon moon:** e x p o s e d  
  
**bean:** I was in there without him, I wasn't supposed to be in that particular lab without him  
**bean:** and yet  
**bean:** anyway I screwed up and that’s that (:  
  
**[ily bon jovi is online]**  
  
**ily bon jovi:** wild  
  
**abebabe:** truly  
  
**ily bon jovi:** hey @everyone I know yall have boring classes rn so  
  
**[Sal-E is online]  
[[hacker voice] im in** is online]  
  
**Sal-E:** where's the crisis???  
  
**moon moon:** no crisis dw  
**moon moon:** in fact I bet I know what he's about to do  
  
**ily bon jovi:** creeper  
  
**moon moon:** I was right  
  
**ily bon jovi:** DAMMIT  
**ily bon jovi:** creeper  
  
**Sal-E:** aww man  
  
**ily bon jovi:** so we back in this mine  
  
**[hacker voice] im in:** got our pick axe swinging  
  
**abebabe:** from side to side  
  
**ily bon jovi:** side side to side  
  
**bean:** side side to side  
**bean:** dammit!!  
  
**abebabe:** a r g h  
  
**bean:** creeper  
  
**ily bon jovi:** aww man  
  
**abebabe:** so we back in this mine  
  
**moon moon:** ughh fuck you now I'm gonna have this stuck in my head all day  
  
**[moon moon has gone offline]  
  
bean: **:(  
**bean:** creeper  
  
-  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
haha imagine if we found out in Area 51 that we were all part of a simulation  
  
rip stan lee @deadpool  
or a fanfic lmao  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
wait what ??  
  
rip stan lee @deadpool  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i fixed the images in chapter 2 (pride moth art) and in a few chapters ago (cryptid ass pics) plz tell me if they're working or not  
> sorry it's taken me a while to upload. things haven't been great lately but they'll get better. hope to upload again soon.  
> there's a new chapter of the kids aren't alright (homeless peter fic) if you wanna read that! i also finished the second part of my endgame fixits so yeet (aaand there's that sad buzzfeed unsolved fic that i'm extremely proud of,,, so if u wanna read it i'd be very grateful) <3
> 
> shout out to my wonderful smol gremlin friend hannah for the cursed monstrosity that is that vore song...  
> oh! also. some of the chat things are inspired by a dumb group chat on this chrome extension chat thing called WhiteBox. if ur on there hmu im spooderman


	10. :-)))))))) (thanks clint)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THOR @THUNDERBOI  
> HELLO INTERNET! THE YOUNG STARK HERE SUGGESTED I MAKE AN ACCOUNT ON THIS WONDROUS WEBPAGE. HOWEVER I BELIEVE MY LETTER ARE STUCK ON UPPERCASE.
> 
> rip stan lee @deadpool  
> this is really really overdone but go off I guess
> 
> no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
> shut up dp no one asked for your opinion :/

mr man man @manmeasand  
@ActuallySpider-Man what's ur real name  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy  
  
mr man man @manmeasand  
where are your parents???  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
dead  
  
-  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
GREETINGS MORTALS  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
HI MR THOR  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
AM I DOING THIS TWITTER CORRECTLY?  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
YES YOU ARE, SAY HELLO TO THE INTERNET  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
HELLO INTERNET! THE YOUNG STARK HERE SUGGESTED I MAKE AN ACCOUNT ON THIS WONDROUS WEBPAGE. HOWEVER I BELIEVE MY LETTER ARE STUCK ON UPPERCASE.  
  
rip stan lee @deadpool  
this is really really overdone but go off I guess  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
shut up dp no one asked for your opinion :/  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
Thor u press the little arrow button on the keyboard. Also I'm NOT TONYS SON HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU PEOPLE  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
Ah! That's better. Thank you, Starkson.  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
ugh  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
:-) Barton showed me this face.   
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
clint what else have u been teaching Thor  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
:-))))))))))  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
Peter, do you realise that the little arrow can make you have uppercase letters at the start of your sentences? It is very helpful.  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
yeah i realise but it's for the Aesthetic B)  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
I do not understand, but alright. Does Bruce have Twitter? :-)  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
yeah! @greenbeanbruce  
  
science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
I was summoned?   
  
science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
Oh! Hi Thor! I'm literally on the same couch as you, you could have just asked me...  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
Sorry! I am still unused to conversing through this webpage.  
  
science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
Nah it's okay don't worry <3  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
What does <3 mean?  
  
science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
It's a heart  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
ew sappy on main (im kidding im kidding,,,, you two are the sweetest most precious beans and u literally restore my faith in the universe)  
  
-  
  
loki @snekboi  
Hello, foolish mortals  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
Brother! I see Peter set you up an account too!  
  
science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
Oh god  
  
loki @snekboi  
Hello there Bruce  
  
science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
Go away Loki   
  
loki @snekboi  
Nope.  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
Mr Lokiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii  
  
loki @snekboi  
Peterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
Mr Lokiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii  
  
loki @snekboi  
Starksonnnnnnnnnnnnn  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
binch  
  
loki @snekboi  
no u  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
oh my god you actually did educate yourself in meme culture im gonna cry  
  
loki @snekboi  
What do you take me for, a peasant?  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Loki Please Do Not Bully My Son Otherwise I Will Call Your Brother And Mr Green Man  
  
loki @snekboi  
Fucc u snarky starky  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Oh my god you sound like a teenager I can't deal with this goodbye  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
bye Mr dad  
  
loki @snekboi  
Technically, if you roughly convert Asgardian age into human age I am a teenager. Thor's friend Jane worked it out years ago. I am 1069 earth years old, which is equivalent to the human age of 17  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
hee hee 69 nice  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
WAIT Oh my god oh my god what what the fuck what  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
LOKI IM A SIMILAR AGE TO U WTF WTF  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
WAIT WAIT WAS ALL THE ~STUFF~ JUST YOU GOING THROUGH YOUR REBELLIOUS EMO TEEN PHASE  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
Yes.  
  
loki @snekboi  
Go away Thor  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
:-(  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
OH MY GOD,,, WHAT IS LIFE WHAT IS THE UNIVERSE WHAT IS MEANING  
  
  
Thomas @iamironstan  
I do not know how to feel? I do not know what's going on? Help? Anyone else?  
  
rainbooooowwwww @thatsgay  
ok what is happening  
1\. Loki is on twitter?? Battle of New York Loki???????  
2\. Loki is 1069 years old???????????   
3\. Loki is 17???????????????????????????  
  
OwO what's this @looooongfurb  
@peter-parkour we're so lost blz help  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
I am too??? but uh  
1\. @snekboi is it ok if u explain bc I won't do a good job also idk how much u wanna say  
2\. yeah Thor's rlly old too hahaha mr old thunder man  
3\. YEAH LOKI WTF  
  
loki @snekboi  
Thankfully, he's dead now (I do not really want to think about what would have happened if we hadn't stopped him before he got to Earth or any of the other places the Stones are) but the mad titan Thanos found me after I fell from Asgard, tortured me and gave me the sceptre, which didn't mind-control me per see, but it influenced me to give into my more... chaotic side. The Chitauri army was all Thanos though.  
  
loki @snekboi  
I regret about 90% of what happened in New York. I do regret causing so much damage and killing so many innocent people, but I don't really regret most of what happened with the Avengers, or my brother. (Mainly I don't regret stabbing Thor ehehehe)  
  
loki @snekboi  
There's still a part of me that is the God of Mischief or the God of Lies and constantly want to cause chaos and discord, but originally, I was always the God of Stories and that's the side that is usually in control these days  
  
loki @snekboi  
Wow, that was... much more than I usually say. I'm going to get off Twitter before I say any more  
  
-  
  
BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
lil bit of olive oil in the pan... and we finish with a lil olive oil in the soup, its like a minnestrone..... heat up the olive oil....... i drizzle some olive oil this helps to keep the pasta from sticking to eachother. olive oil, just a touch of olive oil. and we finish with olive oil, gives it that italian finish, olive oil to garnish. we marinade this in olive oil, olive oil  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
lil bit of olive oil in the pan... and we finish with a lil olive oil in the soup, its like a minnestrone..... heat up the olive oil....... i drizzle some olive oil this helps to keep the pasta from sticking to eachother. olive oil, just a touch of olive oil. and we finish with olive oil, gives it that italian finish, olive oil to garnish. we marinade this in olive oil, olive oil  
  
cindy @moonmoon  
lil bit of olive oil in the pan... and we finish with a lil olive oil in the soup, its like a minnestrone..... heat up the olive oil....... i drizzle some olive oil this helps to keep the pasta from sticking to eachother. olive oil, just a touch of olive oil. and we finish with olive oil, gives it that italian finish, olive oil to garnish. we marinade this in olive oil, olive oil  
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
lil bit of olive oil in the pan... and we finish with a lil olive oil in the soup, its like a minnestrone..... heat up the olive oil....... i drizzle some olive oil this helps to keep the pasta from sticking to eachother. olive oil, just a touch of olive oil. and we finish with olive oil, gives it that italian finish, olive oil to garnish. we marinade this in olive oil, olive oil  
  
cindy @moonmoon  
Oh my god oh my god  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
lil bit owof owolive owoil in the pan... and we finish with a lil owolive owoil in the sowoup, its like a minnestrowone..... heat up the owolive owoil....... i drizzle sowome owolive owoil this helps towo keep the pasta frowom sticking towo eachowother. owolive owoil, just a towouch owof owolive owoil. and we finish with owolive owoil, gives it that italian finish, owolive owoil towo garnish. we marinade this in owolive owoil, owolive owoil  
  
BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
Disowned  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
*fortnite dances to the orphanage*  
  
BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
Disowned and shot  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
It's ok yeeter u can come live in wakanda with me >:(  
  
BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
Don't be mad at me, he deserves it  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
>:(((((((((((((((  
  
-  
  
**[group chat: Acadec chat]  
[9:34am]  
  
moon moon: **im gonna cry but like happy cry  
  
**[bean is online]  
bean:** ????  
  
**moon moon:** scarlet witch also responded to MJ on twitter   
**moon moon:** specifically with a quote from The Lesbian Mother herself  
**moon moon:** scarlet witch is so pretty I'm gonna cry also she was one of my first girl crushes what is happening  
  
**Sal-E:** askajaksnnsjsksdksj,,  
  
**bean:** huh, nice  
  
**[ily bon jovi is online]  
ily bon jovi:** sorry to break the gay but  
**ily bon jovi:** I'm gonna cry like sad cry  
**ily bon jovi:** I can actually hear VSCO girls in the corridor oh my god I can see them there's scrunchies and those necklace things and hydroflasks HELP  
**ily bon jovi:** @abebabe come pick me up im scared   
  
**[abebabe is online]  
abebabe:** and I oop-  
**[abebabe has gone offline]**  
   
**ily bon jovi:** noooooooooo we've lost him to the dark side D:  
  
**bean:** f  
  
**moon moon:** f  
  
**Sal-E:** f  
  
**ily bon jovi:** f  
  
**moon moon:** hey flash hasn't been on this chat since he was an ass on twitter and got roasted lmao  
**moon moon:** @gotta go fast are you avoiding us bc ur embarrassed that actual spidey and tony goddamn stark actually know petey boi

 

**[gotta go fast is online]**

**[gotta go fast has gone offline]**

 

**moon moon:** hahahahahaha

 

**ily bon jovi:** btw peter like half the school is talking about u today

 

**bean:** WAIT WHAT NO,,

**bean:** THEY WERE ACTUALLY ALL LOOKING AT ME I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST THE ANXIETY

**bean:** FUCK

 

**ily bon jovi:** what do u mean,, isn’t that a good thing? Ur a cool dude more ppl should recognise that

 

**bean:** HH

 

**Sal-E:** peter its ok they’ll stop caring soon enough you know how fast gossip comes and goes at midtown

 

**[abebabe is online]**

**abebabe:** wait peter since ur “””fake bf””””” with spidey do u wanna join the spider-thirst chat

**abebabe:** its too late I already added u

 

**moon moon:** oh god that place is a hellhole

 

**bean:** WAIT WHAT SPIDER-THIRST CHAT WHAT IS THIS WHAT-

 

-

 

finally got binder yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

cliffhanger uwu tune in next time to find out what the spider-thirst chat is

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

hey do u wanna get churros with me since my usual churro buddy is at school rn

 

finally got binder yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

I live in Australia dumbass also ive never had a churro in my life uwuwu

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowie chapter 10   
> fuck the disney/sony mess im so tired of their squabbling i just want to hug my poor boi peter  
> also olive oil olive oil (if you haven't watched any of the Lesbian Mother's videos (strange aeons) - i suggest you start with the furby tumbr deep dive, then the we made a long furby and then the talking to ppl as long furby) shout out to my friend mary (kevin bacon uwu) for writing it down. i hope you never see this. if you do please get off my ao3


	11. im straight but-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [im straight is online]  
> im straight: im straight but I'd still let Spidey tie me up in an alley and fuck me until I couldn't stand  
> [im straight has gone offline]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (to clarify - im not straight it's just the chapter title)

 

**[group chat: spider-thirst central]**

**[9:42am]**   
**[mmm ass has added Peter Parker to spider-thirst central]**   
**[mmm ass has changed Peter Parker's name to fake bf]**

**mmm ass:** HEY WHATS UP SPIDEY FUCKERS GUESS WHO I ADDED

**fake bf:** oh god

**hug monster** : hi Peter I'm so sorry

**fake bf:** wait who u

**hug monster:** ,,,,,,,,,Ned

**fake bf:** im divorcing u

**hug monster:** u divorce me like once a week

**mmm ass:** ????

**fake bf:** everyone used to joke we were married so we started to joke that we were married. It's been going on for years

**mmm ass:** oh ok

**[im straight is online]**  
 **im straight:** fuck  
**[im straight has gone offline]**

**fake bf:** who that

**hug monster:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Flash

**fake bf:** OK WHO ELSE IS ON THIS

**mmm ass:** I'm Abe, obvs  
**mmm ass:** Cindy is mmm arms  
**mmm ass:** Charles is mmm bon Jovi  
**mmm ass:** Sally is scared of heights  
**mmm ass:** MJ is Shut Up  
**mmm ass:** everyone else is just like,, ppl from school and our friends u probably don't know (the Acadec kids are the most active on here tho)

**fake bf:** why is mj on this??????????????????

**mmm ass:** good question

**Shut Up:** I may be a lesbian but Spider-Man is still pretty hot

**fake bf:** ,,,,??!?????,,???,?,?,?,?,¿?,??,?,?,,,,,,????

**hug monster:** are u ok did u have a stronk

**fake bf:** call the bondulance  
**fake bf:** no im ok it's just been a weird day and it's not even 10am yet

**mmm ass:** it's kinda funny bc Flash is usually the most active on here he's more thirsty than me which is impressive

**fake bf:** hahjsbsjsj,snsjks,,hajsjahs,,,???¿??

**mmm ass:** he's """"""""straight""""""""""""

**[im straight is online]**  
 **im straight:** im straight but I'd still let Spidey tie me up in an alley and fuck me until I couldn't stand  
**[im straight has gone offline]**

**fake bf:** jfjdsfhrrsksssjshwhhwjwjqhhqj,,,,,qjagjahsjbwhsheh3shshbs,,:hsjsnnsjs,,?????????¿?????¿‽?????????¿

**hug monster:** yeah basically

**fake bf:** rightio  
**fake bf:** im  
**fake bf:** im in class and I should,,, probably listen   
**fake bf:** bye

**mmm ass:** lol bye then

-

stove @CaptainAmerican't  
Friendly reminder that James Buchanan Barnes is really just a big softie

fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Oh FUCK YOU what did I ever do to you???

stove @CaptainAmerican't  
...

fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Ah. Right. But??? They were girl scout and they said they liked my arm?????? They wanted to arm wrestle with me????????? Of course I had to buy all their damn cookies??????????? Stark can afford it I don't give a shit. They were so cute how could you not??

stove @CaptainAmerican't  
There are literally cookie packets covering the entire kitchen

fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
So?

stove @CaptainAmerican't  
How are we going to eat them all??

fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Supersoldier metabolisms, Stevie

-

**[group chat: Acadec chat]**   
**[6:44pm]**

**badass boss lady:** HEY LISTEN UP FUCKERS YALL BETTER BE AT THE CLIMATE MARCH TOMORROW OR UR DEAD TO ME

**moon moon:** yee yee I'll b there

**[Sal-E is online]**

**Sal-E:** be there or be square!!!!!1

**moon moon:** *turns into a literal fucking flesh cube*

**ily bon jovi:** wait I gotta ask my bro if he's going bc he said he was but im not sure

**abebabe:** I'll b there too

**bean:** same

**[hacker voice] im in:** heel yeah

**[gotta go fast is online]**

**gotta go fast:** father wouldn't allow me to go but he's on a business trip  
gotta go fast: so.... yeah I'm coming

**badass boss lady:** Cool. Well, I'll see you guys around. We can organise to meet up at some point but that might be a bit tricky so yeah

-

**[group chat: golden trio but gen z]**   
**[7:11pm]**

**queen mj:** hey Peter are you going as Spidey

**the chosen one:** uhh

**queen mj:** well you better because that's a great way to get more attention to this  
**queen mj:** also Blease mention it on your twit bc you have so many followers

**the chosen one:** ok I will  
**the chosen one:** I'll see if I can get Mr Stark to come too

**queen mj:** holy hell YES

-

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
HEY KIDS YALL BETTER BE AT THE SCHOOL STRIKE 4 CLIMATE CHANGE I JUST WATCHED A DAVID ATTENBOROUGH DOCO AND I AM READY TO GO FERAL

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
BRING THOSE SIGNS BRING THOSE MEMES BRING THOSE NO U CARDS

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
WE CANT VOTE YET BUT WE CAN MAKE OURSELVES KNOWN. WE CAN MAKE OUR OPINIONS KNOWN. WE CAN GET IN THE FACES OF THESE DUMBASS POLITICIANS AND TELL THEM THAT IF WE DONT DO SHIT NOW WE'RE SCREWED. LISTEN TO SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH. LISTEN TO GRETA THUNBURG THEYRE BOTH WOKE AF

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
ITS NOT OUR GENERATIONS FAULT. WE CAN TRY AND FIX IT BUT WE NEED THE PEOPLE IN POWER RIGHT NOW TO LISTEN TO US

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
ISLANDS COMMUNITIES ARE DROWNING. CORAL REEFS ARE DYING. RAINFORESTS ARE DRYING OUT. AUSTRALIA IS ON FIREAND SOMEPLACESAREINLIKEA5+YEAR DROUGHT. ENGLANDS SUMMERS ARE GETTING HOTTER AND HOTTER. WINTERS ARE BEING MESSED UP. JAPAN AND CHINA AND INDIA AND ALL THESE PLACES ARE GETTING FLOODS AND TYPHOONS AND SHIT. AMERICA IS GETTING FLOODS AND SNOWSTORMS AND REALLY BAD HURRICANES. THERE ARE COMMUNITIES GOING UNDERWATER EVEN HERE IN THE USA. WE'RE NOT AN EXCEPTION FROM CLIMATE CHANGE

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
so yeah screw our politicians and skip school on the 20th to come to the marches (unless ur going to area 51, in which case, I salute you my comrades, you absolute madlads) also im tryna get mr stank to come so yeeeeehaw

BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
shit u rlly did go feral (thanks)

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
yeeeeehawwwwwwwww

spooder-fan @elleart  
Hell yeah!! I'll be there ;)

two bros @chillinginahottub  
shall b there ;)))))))))

oh no @hhhhhhatman  
in England but, yep I'm going

my name is loooong @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
aussie-land but yeet ;)

rainbowwwwww @thats gay  
Fuck yes climate march

Spidey says gay rights @kazoogabriel  
proof that Spider-Man is gen z part 512653

no u @urmomgae  
proof that Spider-Man is still in school????? Part 26253 ????????

-

American superhero news @AvengersWatch  
BREAKING: All the NY based Avengers accompany Spider-Man to climate march. Tony Stark seen talking to representatives from several groups aiming to reduce CO2 levels, rainforest clearing, waste etc  
[Photo of all the avengers walking in a group amongst students and workers, chanting along with the crowd. Several hold signs.]  
[Photo of Spider-Man climbing a lamp post above a sea of people, a little girl holding a megaphone clinging to his back]  
[Photo of Tony Stark listening intently to a speech]

two bros @chillinginahottub  
hee hee  
[Shakey phone footage of Spider-Man joining in the chant of 'EAT THE RICH EAT EAT THE RICH' and laughing at Tony Stark's confused face]

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
[Video taken from high above a sea of people chanting 'THE SEAS ARE RISING NO MORE COMPROMISING']

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
[Video of Spider-Man walking amongst the avengers in the march. Tony does the peace sign at the camera. Clint does the finger. Nat slaps him. Steve and Bucky walk side by side, sharing a piece of cardboard between them that says 'I DIDNT COME OUT OF THE ICE FOR THIS SHIT'.]

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
saw some great signs  
[A girl holding up a massive no u card]  
[Two girls with signs that say 'The planet's on f**king fire ~ Bill Nye' and 'I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees, and the trees say fuck you']  
[A teen holding a sign saying 'what if we cut down all our forests and pumped poisonous gas into the air? Jk jk... Unless' (the unless is the unless thing from the Lorax)]  
[Someone holding a piece of card that says 'The earth is getting hotter than Tom Holland']  
[The this is fine meme but with the dog labelled as 'our governments']  
[Lots more Lorax signs]  
[A piece of cardboard with the words 'climate change is McFuck'd' painted on it]  
[A woman with 'can we get an F in the chat' painted on her back]  
[A bunch of girls holding a sign saying 'sksksksk save the turtles']  
[The meme that's Elmo with fire in the background]

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
today has been fuckin wiiiild. climate march hell yeah, people actually showing up at area 51 (spoilers Tony Stark actually partially owns it and it's full of Chitauri bodies n shit from the battle of NY bc they don't decompose normally - don't come at me he gave me his permission to say that), and new buzzfeed unsolved!!!! (Sorry guys for spoilering what's mainly in there also Ryan stop touching ur nips (please))

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
good on u to everyone who skipped school and went to the march. also high five to that Naruto runner ur educating the masses. Oh and remember: eat the rich

E @starkslut  
sure ;)

totally not scott @gi-ant-man  
No that's Vore

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
SCOTT WHY DO U KNOW WHAT VORE IS

totally not scott @gi-ant-man  
;)))))))))))

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
No do Not

totally not scott @gi-ant-man  
;)))))))))))))))))))))

Iron Stank @TonyStark  
I'm scared

COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
You should be

-

**[group chat: spider-thirst central]**   
**[11:26pm]**

**[im straight is online]**  
 **im straight:** ok im straight but DID U SEE SPIDEYS ASS WHEN HE WAS UP ON THAT LAMP POST

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to my fake wife who I've divorced like every week since grade 7 ily  
> also a shout out to all the kiddos who went on the climate march with me on the 20th hell yeah (we saw some great signs) and to those of you who were also at pride on the 21st (tho I hope ur not reading this) also thanks shrek gays for the free comic con tickets????????? anyway I went as Castiel with gay flag bc Cas says gay rights and so should you. anyway anyway its been a thicc week im gonna sleep now uwuwuwuwuwu bold is a pain in the ass


	12. wack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
> mr stark is cool and all but he'll never be as cool as Joe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh so I gave up on making the group chat stuff bold just deal with it blease im so sorry lmao about not being consistent with things  
> also ? im really sorry for all the vore jokes in this ? i dont know why ? please dont look it up if u r still somehow Innocent ?

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
yall I had to explain to Mr Stark what vore is  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
he is not pleased  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
oof that's a lot to swallow  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
he just needs time to digest the information  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
S T O P  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
I don't think I could stomach the thought  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
I can't right now. I don't think I'm ready to accept this exists.  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
you might have bitten off more than you can chew, snarky starky  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
N o  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
rip in pieces  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
@actualprincess that was lit  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
thanks, when it comes to puns, I eat up the competition  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
I hope my puns won't be vorebidden  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
voregive me

 

-

 

[group chat: spider-thirst central]  
[9:31am]  
  
[mmm ass is online]  
mmm ass: flash what the fuck  
  
[im straight is online]  
[im straight has gone offline]  
  
mmm ass: a wild denial-sexual in its natural habitat  
mmm ass: ....... can someone make a denial pride flag  
  
[scared of heights is online]  
scared of heights: give me a minute  
  
mmm ass: k  
  
scared of heights: ok here we go  
scared of heights:

  


-

  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
Loki stabbed me today! It is just like good old times, is it not, brother?  
  
loki @snekboi  
not really but Go Off I Guess  
  
Mm thicc @asgardian-assgardian  
Excuse Me But What The Fuck  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
The spider child told me to post "relatable content" in order to connect with Twitter. This is "relatable content", yes?  
  
Mm thicc @asgardian-assgardian  
uH no Not Exactly,,,,,?,????,?,,,,?  
  
science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
You're okay without stitches with this one, right Thor? I'm in the lab if you need.  
  
loki @snekboi  
it's not THAT deep  
  
THOR @THUNDERBOI  
It does not require stitches, Bruce. But I may come down to your lab anyway, once I find my box of poptarts.  
  
loki @snekboi  
ew sappy  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
...fuck,,,, those were your poptarts???,,,,

  
-

  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
mr stark is cool and all but he'll never be as cool as Joe  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Who the hell is Joe???  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
jOE MAMA  


-

  
  
not lincoln @abebabe  
ok im in class and we have a substitute teacher and this random kid just made a villager noise  
  
not lincoln @abebabe  
update: the whole class is making villager noises. the teacher is confused as fuck. no one knows what is going on anymore all we know is that we must make villager noises  
  
not lincoln @abebabe  
update 2: a teacher came in from next door's class to see what all the noise was. she's young. she is a Known Gaymer. she knows. she knows. she knows-  
  
not lincoln @abebabe  
update 3: she managed to get us to shut up we're now learning about advertising or something  
  
not lincoln @abebabe  
update 4: the substitute mentioned YouTube and the same kid suddenly woke up and yelled PEWDIEPIE at the top of his lungs. the class has dissolved into chaos again  
  
cindy @moonmoon  
wack

  
-

  
[group chat: Acadec chat]  
[4:11pm]  
  
[bean is online]  
bean: ehdhhsgsgssgjsisiddjhd ,.ssj a. Khshsgsgsggwgshsjsidhdhdhh jhgahaha  
bean: hejgesgsg  
bean: h h the  
bean: I djont kn ow whic h chattj thws is b cna smone plsn gt mr atrk  
  
[abebabe is online]  
abebabe: ???? Peter what's happening??  
  
bean: im  
[bean has gone offline]  
  
[moon moon is online]  
[Sal-E is online]  
  
moon moon: what??  
moon moon: please do what?????  
moon moon: Peter what the fuck is happening  
  
[[hacker voice] im in is online]  
[hacker voice] im in: PETER WHAT  
[hacker voice] im in: OK OK OKJ IM GONNA CALL MR STARK I HOPE THATS WHAT U WANT BLZ DONT B MAD AND PLEAS DONT HAVE GOTTEN STABBED PLEASE  
  
moon moon: what the fuck  
  
Sal-E: what is going on?????  
  
abebabe: ???????????????????????  
  
[hacker voice] im in: mr stark answered he's gonna find Peter we don't know what's happening  
[hacker voice] im in: im shaking I can't breathe I don't know what to do  
  
abebabe: Ned it'll be ok just. Breathe. Focus on something and breathe deeply. It's going to be fine  
abebabe: do u want me to come to ur place I vaguely know where it is it's not far  
  
abebabe: Ned  
abebabe: are you doing alright you haven't replied in a bit no pressure I'm just worried  
  
[hacker voice] im in: no im ok now it's fine thank u so much tho  
  
abebabe: it's fine dw are you sure you're ok?  
  
[hacker voice] im in: yes yes I'm sure  
[hacker voice] im in: thank you  
  
abebabe: ok good  
  
Sal-E: oh my god  
Sal-E: oh my god guys I think I know what happened to Peter what the fuck what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO I CANT REMEMBER WHAT FIC IT WAS BUT SOMETHING I READ MENTIONED THE BOMBTASTIC BAG MAN AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS AND ALSO THAT THE AUTHOR HAD MADE IT UP BC IM DUMBASS BUT IM IN MY LOCAL NERD SHOP WRITING THIS RN AND I FOUND A BOMBTASTIC BAG MAN FUNKO AND I JUST STOOD THERE FOR LIKE 20 MINUTES CRYING LAUGHING INTERNALLY I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE I WANNA BUY IT BUT I DONT REALLY HAVE 20 BUCKS TO SPARE i came in here to find a bday present for a friend not this-,,,,
> 
> also while I was freaking out in the shop a electric guitar version of the avengers theme started playing idk what's happening I'm kinda a mess don't mind me
> 
> Update: yeah I bought the Bombtastic Bag-Man. He is sitting on my desk. I love him. He will be in this fic, I promise you.


	13. maelstrom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony’s in a waiting room.
> 
> The walls are white. The chairs are hard. The floor is squeaky and everything smells sickeningly like antiseptic.
> 
> The kid is here, somewhere. Peter. And he’s not with him. He’s not holding his hand, sitting next to him, brushing his hair off his forehead, comforting him. He doesn’t even really know what’s happened to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whips out my actual (although questionable) writing skills* surprise motherfuckers im not usually a shitpost generator :))))))))))))) also yeah this is really early ur welcome don’t get used to it  
> I dunno why I always write about peter getting hurt  
> Gotta get that sweet sweet angst I guess  
> Anyway have fun
> 
>  
> 
> TW for (SPOILERS but b safe ppl) car accidents and bad injuries from that. Also hospitals.

rip fortnite lmao @QueensKiddo

OH MY GOD IM ON MY WAY HOME FROM SCHOOL AND THIS GUY JUST JUMPED IN FRONT OF A CAR TO SAVE A KID WHAT THE FUCK IM SHAKING I DON’T KNOW WHATS HAPPENING

 

rip fortnite lmao @QueensKiddo

HES ALIVE HOLY FUCK AND HE CAN MOVE HES TRYING TO GET AWAY?? I DON’T KNOW I DON’T KNOW

 

rip fortnite lmao @QueensKiddo

OK SOMEONE CALLED AN AMBULANCE THEY TOOK HIM AND THE POLICE ARE AT THE SCENE AND WHAT THE FUCK WHAT

 

rip fortnite lmao @QueensKiddo

IRON MAN JUST SHOWED UP WHAT

 

rip fortnite lmao @QueensKiddo

HES ASKING AFTER THE GUY

 

rip fortnite lmao @QueensKiddo

WHAT IS HAPPENING

 

-

 

Up-To-Date NY News @NYCnews

BREAKING

In horrific scenes in Queens this afternoon, a teen saved a young boy from a speeding car, throwing himself in front of the child and shoving him out of the way just in time. Witnesses watched in shock as the teen managed to drag himself away from the scene, critically injured but somehow alive, getting into an alleyway before losing consciousness. Luckily, an ambulance was already nearby and he was rushed to hospital as soon as possible.

Perhaps almost as perplexing as the teen’s behaviour was the arrival of a seemingly distressed Tony Stark, in full Iron Man gear, on the scene several minutes after the ambulance had left. Follow this account for more information as it becomes available to the public.

 

American superhero news @AvengersWatch

Iron Man shows up on scene of New York near miss [link to article], seemingly agitated and allegedly asking after the teenager involved. Some are already theorising that the teen could be the intern, @peter-parkour, or even an un-costumed Spider-Man.

 

NYPD @NYPD

Assistance with identifying individuals involved in an accident in Queens this afternoon wanted – at least two people speeding in a stolen white Audi who fled after hitting a teen who saved a young boy.

[blurred images from speed cameras and CCTV cameras of the car and two people]

 

BREAKING NEWS @news.com

Witness the horrifying moment a teen leaps in front of a car to save a young boy from a speeding car. WARNING: EXTREMELY DISTRESSING FOOTAGE (moment of impact cut)

 

-

 

There’s been rain, and the sidewalks reflect the pale grey of the sky. Peter watches as his favourite pair of red converse (nicely Spider-Man coloured) splash through the puddles, and vaguely wonders whether he can get his chem homework finished before he heads out on patrol that night. He has earphones in, and some song is playing that he’d heard on the radio a few days ago in the car with Happy and hadn’t been able to get out of his head since.

 

_I had a think about my oldest friends_

_Now, I no longer hang with them_

_And I can't wait to be home again_

_I had a year that nearly sent me off the edge_

_I feel like a five, I can't pretend_

_But if I get my shit together this year_

_Maybe I'll be a ten_

 

It’s not a bad song, he thinks. Very relatable. It’s not annoying yet, at lea-

Peter’s spidey sense goes off. Very strongly. He rips his earphones out and freezes. People push past him, grumbling, but right now he doesn’t care.

There’s no one looking suspicious. Nothing directly around him that looks particularly dangerous. Nothing he can see just yet that could have set it off. Nothing-

And then he sees the kid. And the car.

He sees the car, hurtling at way too high a speed towards a young boy crossing the road with his mom. The woman is out of harm’s way, but the boy-

 

Peter doesn’t think about it. He just leaps forward, focusing on the kid, who’s turning, wide eyed, to see the car, and shoves him as hard as he can. He can see the mother, her mouth open in a scream, moving forward in horrifying slow motion.

The car collides with him and suddenly the sky is underneath him and everything’s blurry red and he’s flying and then falling and there’s the black of the road beneath him and he can’t breathe and-

His ears are ringing, and everything else is muted, almost as if he’s underwater. Somehow, his phone is still in his hand, solid amongst all the tipping and turning of the world around him.

_Get out of here get out get out-_

He doesn’t have his suit or webshooters. He can’t move, he can’t-

He can move. He can get out of here. He needs to. Someone could find out that he’s Spider-Man. Someone could take a picture of him, someone could- he can’t- he can’t- he can- he’s- he’s – he’s in an alleyway. He’s crawled. The phone is still in his hand.

His fingers are bloody- _blood blood why is there blood- what happened- how is he here-_ but the phone somehow recognises his fingerprint anyway, thank god, and there’s some chat open already, and he tries to type a message – _I don’t know which chat this is please get Mr Stark – please please – where am I – what did I do – why don’t I have the suit –_ and then it falls from his hand, into the concrete, and he can’t – he can’t fight it. He’s so tired. Everything – everything hurts. The world is going white around him. The sky is falling and blurring everything. He can’t, he can’t- _Please, Mr Stark. Please._

 

-

 

Tony’s in a waiting room.

The walls are white. The chairs are hard. The floor is squeaky and everything smells sickeningly like antiseptic.

The kid is here, somewhere. Peter. And he’s not with him. He’s not holding his hand, sitting next to him, brushing his hair off his forehead, comforting him. He doesn’t even really know what’s happened to him.

 

_He could see the accident scene from the air. A chaotic mess of shell-shocked people, tire skid marks staining the road, police cars pulled over on the sides, a mother crying and cradling her young child in her arms._

_And blood. A lot of it. On the road, trailing across onto the sidewalk and into an alleyway._

_He lands, almost falling with the force of it, and almost grabs the closest citizen by the collar. He turns and grabs a policeman instead._

_‘Where is he?’_

 

_‘What- wh- who?’_

 

_‘A teenager? Brown hair, about this high, probably wearing red converse shoes?’_

 

_‘Uh, I… um-’_

 

_Someone speaks up from behind him. It’s the mother, her face pale and her makeup smudged down her cheeks. ‘That’s- that’s him. The boy. He- he saved my son. He-’_

 

_‘Where is he?’_

 

_‘They put him in an ambulance, about- about… three minutes ago?’_

 

_An ambulance. Peter. Blood._

_He doesn’t thank her, or ask for more. He heads towards the nearest hospital._

_‘FRIDAY, alert Helen Cho. I don’t- I don’t know-’_

_‘Done, Sir.’_

 

 

‘Mr Stark?’

 

Tony glances up. A nurse is standing over him, an iPad in her hands. He stands. ‘Have you found him? Is he okay? Oh god, is he alive? What-’

 

‘Woah, calm down.’ She says, and her voice is soothing but no. He’s not going to calm down. He’s- ‘We have someone matching your description of Peter. Kind of.’

 

‘You- you do? Oh thank god, oh-’

 

‘The person… has been in surgery for hours, which is why I couldn’t confirm whether it was the one you’re looking for or not.’

 

‘Is he…?’

 

‘Alright. Well, critically injured, but alive. Somehow.’

 

‘Oh my god, oh my god, I… thank you.’

 

‘I’ll take you in so you can confirm the identity. I’m just warning you – the injuries are pretty bad.’

 

‘I’ve seen plenty of bad.’

 

She rubs her eyes tiredly. ‘Right. Follow me.’

 

The nurse leads him down a maze of corridors, all with the same white walls and antiseptic smell, until Tony think he’d never be able to navigate his way out of here. It’s almost as if its supposed to confuse him, to make sure he can’t get out, to-

The nurse has stopped in front of a door, and is murmuring something to a shocked-looking doctor who’s staring at him. Ah. The perks of being famous. The doctor must be okay with what the nurse says, because she lets them both past.

 

And Peter is lying on the bed. As still and pale as death. His skin is as white as the bleached sheets and the thin hospital gown and the bandages. There’s so many wires, so many tubes, most of which he has no idea what are for… and he’s not sure he wants to know. A steady beeping runs through his mind and breaks the stiff silence of the room.

 

_He’s alive._

 

‘It’s him. It’s Peter.’

 

And Tony breathes. Steadily. Just like Pepper makes him when he’s panicking. In and out and in and out and in and out-

 

He falls into the chair beside the bed, staring at Peter’s bruised face.

 

‘Do you know exactly what happened?’

 

The nurse sighs before replying. ‘Pretty much. We got reports from witnesses on the scene. Do you want to know?’

 

‘Of course.’ He glances up at her. ‘Of course I do.’

 

‘Well- uh… Peter must have been walking and saw what was about to happen and did the only thing… uh- he could. He’s a hero.’

 

‘What did he do?’

 

‘He- he jumped in front of a speeding car to save a child. The car didn’t stop. He shoved the child out of the way, was hit at high speed and thrown over the top of the vehicle. He then, somehow still conscious, dragged himself into an alleyway and possibly sent a message on his phone before finally losing consciousness.’

 

‘Jesus. Fuck. Oh, Peter, you sacrificial idiot.’

 

‘How did you know to look for him?’

 

‘Uh- he messaged a friend a barely-readable message and the friend called me, freaking out.’

 

‘Oh. Okay.’

 

‘What happens now? Does he need more surgery or anything?’

 

‘That’s still to be determined. He seems remarkably uninjured for the incident, although those he has sustained are pretty severe.’

 

‘Right. Okay. I have a doctor on the way, if he needs more. She’s fixed him up before, but nothing quite this bad. Uh. He wouldn’t be able to be moved elsewhere, would he?’

 

‘Not just yet, I’d say. Once your doctor arrives, you can discuss options with our staff.’

 

‘Right. Okay. Okay. Can- can I see his file or whatever, to send to her?’

 

‘That can be arranged.’ She hands him her iPad, looking a little overwhelmed.

 

The injuries listed are… a lot, to say the least. He’s not a medical professional at all. Cho, and to a lesser extent, Bruce are, however, so he gets FRIDAY to copy the file and send it to both of them with a small explanation of what’s happened.

 

His eyes wander over the information he’ll have to fill out for the hospital – his name, his date of birth, his emergency contacts-

 

‘Wait.’ He glances back up at the nurse. ‘Why- why is he listed as female?’

 

She looks incredibly uncomfortable. ‘H- he’s biologically female. Surely you know that?’

 

‘Oh. Fuck. Right. He is- but he’s not. Not female, I mean. He’s a boy. He-’

 

‘He’s trans?’ She says, shifting from foot to foot nervously. ‘I wondered. My nephew is. He’s about the same age, I think.’

 

‘Change it. Please.’ He hands the iPad back.

 

‘I’ll see what I can do.’

 

‘God. I need to talk to Pepper about funding a program or something. Fuck.’ He’s talking more to himself than to the nurse, but her eyes go wide and she looks shocked.

 

‘That- that would be. Wow. Okay. My nephew would be so happy…’ She trails off, clutching the iPad. ‘Mr Stark, you’re allowed to stay here as long as you want. I’ll notify the doctor about your doctor arriving.’

 

‘Thank you.’ She leaves and he sighs. He knows he’s getting special treatment because he’s well… rich and also Iron Man. He’s incredibly thankful for it for once.

 

Tony looks back to the boy lying motionless on the bed, the only indications of life the slow rise and fall of his chest and the steady beeping of the machines.

 

-

 

succcccccc @succulentchild

OK WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED BUT YEP TWO MAIN THEORIES FOR YALL KIDDOS

  1. the teen was peter-parkour
  2. the teen was spiderman



 

yeehaw hour @ratheroddemily

personally im leaning towards the spiderman theory because what the hell, he was still conscious and able to drag himself into an alleyway

 

raaaaiiiinbowwwww @thatsgay

yeah also I know when u get hit by a car ur probably not thinking straight but. why would he try and get away? Unless,,, hes trying to protect his secret identity………….

 

two bros @chillinginahottub

I think it was probably Peter. Spiderman would’ve shot webs to stop the car, and then swung away to protect his secret identity

yeehaw hour @ratheroddemily

you make a good point but what if he didn’t have his webshooters?

 

two bros @chillinginahottub

H m  well I assume we’ll find out soon-ish enough. Hopefully. Poor guy I hope hes ok

 

-

 

[DM: Tony Stark > Ned Leeds]

[2:04pm]

 

Tony Stark: Hi. If it’s possible, could you reply to the tweet I’m about to tweet but from Peter’s spidey account? I assume he’s given you access to it, or that you can get it. I just want people to stop theorising that peter is spidey, because if he wakes up and the whole thing is out it won’t be good

 

Ned Leeds: Hi!!! Yeah sure I can do that how is he??

 

Tony Stark: No different really to when I called you last night. He’ll be okay though.

 

Ned Leeds: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh thank u

 

Tony Stark: No, thank you. For calling me in time

 

-

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

Ok I’ve decided to address the rumours before they get out of hand. Listen up everyone.

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

The teen in the accident in Queens is Peter Parker, my intern. He’s alive but still in hospital with pretty critical injuries. He will recover, though.

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

I’m so damn proud of him but he’s a self-sacrificial dumbass and aaaaahh. Just. Please. Don’t bother him about it if you see him or even just online. I’ll keep you all updated, but don’t push, okay? He needs time to heal.

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

Thank you so much for all your support, and if there’s any witnesses from the scene, or the mother and child involved, feel free to DM me about it. I’ve got people assisting the police in finding the people driving the stolen car.

 

-

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

usually it’s me getting critically injured… peter will be okay. He’s a dumbass but he’s tough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw :3
> 
> no peter did not get vored but i told my friend that i hit peter parker with a car but people were asking if he'd been vored and we came to the conclusion that he actually got vored by the car


	14. we good (well... kind of)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [group chat: Acadec chat]  
> [3:22 pm]
> 
>  
> 
> [[hacker voice] im in has added Tony Stark to Acadec chat]
> 
> [hacker voice] im in: @everyone hey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> binch im (kinda) Early again r u proud
> 
> k so don’t mind the slightly messed up timeline.  The first scene happens before the twitter moments in the last chapter (theyre like afternoon of this day)

 

 

Tony awakens to a hand resting lightly on his back. There’s weak rays of sunlight streaming through the blinds on the window. Morning. Early morning.

He’s in the hospital.

Peter is injured.

 

Peter’s still motionless in the bed beside his chair. So who-

 

‘Tony.’ A voice murmurs. ‘Oh, Tony.’

 

‘May?’ He glances up. She’s standing beside him, her hair and makeup a mess, still wearing her nurse’s scrubs.

She gives him a soft smile. There’s tear tracks down her cheeks. There probably are down his too. For once, he doesn’t care.

 

‘I’ve been in and out the last few hours. You’ve been asleep. He’s going to be okay.’

And Tony sees the same kindness, the same careful patience and glimmering hope in her face that he sees in Peter’s.

 

‘He’s going to be okay.’ He repeats. ‘He is.’

 

She smiles, just a small, tired but happy smile, and Tony stands, pulling her in for a desperate hug.

 

-

 

[group chat: Acadec chat]  
[3:22 pm]

 

[[hacker voice] im in has added Tony Stark to Acadec chat]

[hacker voice] im in: @everyone hey

 

moon moon: kjsdjgskjfddsgdkfj aaaaaa

 

baddass boss lady: mr stark

 

Tony Stark: …MJ?

 

badass boss lady: yeah

badass boss lady: how’s peter?

 

Tony Stark: he’s doing ok, for the severity of the injuries and the accident especially

Tony Stark: he won’t have any lasting injuries once he’s all healed up

 

badass boss lady: oh thank god

 

[ily bon jovi is online]

ily bon jovi: holy fuck is that tony stark

 

Tony Stark: yeah hi

 

ily bon jovi: fUCK

ily bon jovi: hi you’re really cool

ily bon jovi: not as cool as bon jovi but

 

Tony Stark: that sounds like very high praise, thank you I guess?

Tony Stark: anyway. I thought I’d tell you all that yeah, Peter will be okay. He’ll be back at school before you know it, and you better watch out for him then. I’ll keep you updated through Ned though.

 

Sal-E: holy fuck I’m so glad he’s okay

 

moon moon: me too. I think between us all we have at least one person in each of his classes, I’ll organise note-taking for him

 

Tony Stark: that would be amazing, thank you

Tony Stark: I have to go now, but if you need to contact me ask Ned

 

[Tony Stark has left Acadec chat]

 

abebabe: holy heck

 

-

 

rip fortnite lmao @QueensKiddo

holy fuck so that was the stark intern kid okay rightio

 

stan stan stan @taylor4323

what did he look like????????

 

rip fortnite lmao @QueensKiddo

I literally saw him get hit by a speeding car I’m not answering that

 

succcccccc @succulentchild

thank gosh theres some good people on this godforsaken site

 

-

 

NYPD @NYPD

Thanks to the assistance of the public and several members of the New York based Avengers team, the perpetrators of a car theft and an accident in Queens involving a teen have been tracked down and brought to justice. Their identities will be released in the coming days.

 

-

 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

I can see why chuck went off the rails, being the god of a universe is fun :))))))))))

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

h m every day I get more and more scared of you

 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

good.

 

The stan lee @god

Don’t hurt Peter too much. I gave you this little universe, please care for it.

 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

hajskgkjdsgkjgfksdgfdjgskjdfd  hi I will

 

The stan lee @god

Hello.

 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

thank u but also – u have No Idea how much angst I can dream up. this is nothing

 

The stan lee @god

Well then, I’m out of here. For now. Take care.

 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

bye mr stan lee!!!!!! and thank u so much <3

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

what just happened

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is like hand sanitiser – 99.9% shitposting but with 0.1% of feels that manage to slip through and bite you in the ass (:
> 
>  
> 
> also i have like 0 assessments until early next year because of the fucky new system here anyway so i should be able to upload more,,, hopefully (yell at me if i dont, especially on the kids arent alright bc i have half a chapter written that i havent touched in like 3 weeks)
> 
> also also stan lee came to a convention in my city not long before he died and i kinda regret not going (even if just to catch a glimpse of him from far away) buuuut it was i think $200 for an autograph or a photo i dont remember and apparently the line was so long it wound all the way around the con hall and out the door


	15. ill have a fuckin uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh angst mcsandwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter sits up. His whole body protests, but he ignores it. He’s in a hospital, a hospital –
> 
> He can’t be here. They’ll find out that he’s Spider-Man, that he has healing powers, and they’ll experiment on him, they’ll sell the information to someone who can use it against him, they’ll… they’ll…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was like,, an actual reason to include 10/10 (that song) (other than that it was stuck in my head for like 3 weeks) back in the other chapter bc I like to link things yeehaw enjoy

_Give myself a little credit_

_Since I dealt with all the pain_

_Yeah, I turned superhero_

_I'm comin' in Bruce Wayne_

There’s warm sunlight on his face. A tiny breeze. The murmur of traffic and street noise.

_Yeah, I did it again, I did it again (yeah, I did it again)_

_But this time I took control_

_And turned my shit 'round_

_Sometimes you gotta cut a bitch out_

_I'm livin' again, yeah, I'm livin', I'm livin' again (I, uh-oh, yeah)_

_Yeah, whoa, yeah_

Peter cracks his eyes open. His body feels achy, like it usually does after a patrol, but a bit worse. There’s a small black radio sitting on a table across the room, next to a vase of flowers.

The song is incredibly familiar – _red converse splashing through puddles, earphone cord white against his darker hoodie, a car hurtling towards him, and he’s flying –_

_Now, I'm safe and sound where I belong_

_It took all my strength to carry on_

_And though it's still hard work to find the words_

_I'm still gonna write this fuckin' song_

_'Cause, after all, I guess it all depends upon_

_The people you choose and where you're from_

He sits up. His whole body protests, but he ignores it. He’s in a hospital, _a hospital_ –

He can’t be here. They’ll find out that he’s Spider-Man, that he has healing powers, and they’ll experiment on him, they’ll sell the information to someone who can use it against him, they’ll… they’ll…

 _Breathe. You can’t figure a way out if you’re on the edge of a panic attack_.

Peter breathes, and looks around properly. There’s a chair beside his bed, and various medical thingies behind that must have been monitoring him at some point in time. Now there’s only a couple of things attached to him, and he rips them off and pulls them out, gritting his teeth against the pain. The place where the drip had been in his hand starts bleeding. He blots it on the sheets and tries to ignore it.

He seems to be able to move well enough, so if he’d broken any major bones – _he’s flying, flying over the car, and there’s red, and everything is blurred –_ then they must have pretty much healed already. At least his healing factor is still working, but that would mean that the hospital would know about it…

The heartbeat beepy thing starts flat-lining and beeping louder and angrier at him. He doesn’t have much time to get out of here before someone comes in, it’s time to move, go, go, go –

Peter swings his legs over the side of the bed, and cautiously touches them down on the floor. He seems steady enough, so he slides the rest of his body off the bed, and grips the table to keep himself upright.

Okay. He can do this.

The hospital gown is light and breezy against his skin, but he can still feel the bruising and it aches even worse as he moves his body into the right position to take a step, and another, and another, and then he’s opening the door, and he’s out, _he’s out –_

As soon as he’s around the corner, in another corridor that looks exactly the same as his – _how the hell do people figure out where to go in here –_ he starts hearing yells and heavy footsteps. Heading to his room.

_Get out get out get out, you need to run, get out –_

He runs. Not very fast, or gracefully, and he may hit a few walls on the way, but he runs. He doesn’t see anyone on the way. The corridors he passes through are echoingly empty, white walls and white floors and the horrible smell of antiseptic all blurring together. He can’t breathe. His body aches, aches so bad, and it’s just getting worse and worse, but still, he runs.

Turning a corner, he slips on the floor, grabbing the wall to stop himself from falling, and pushes off it –

His spidey sense goes off.

He thumps right into someone’s chest.

_Get out get out get out get out get out run run run run run –_

He scrambles, tries to get away, but the person has grabbed him tight, strong arms wrapping around him, pulling him in, holding him. And they’re familiar. The gentle strength, the signature smell, the…

All the fight goes out of Peter. And he lets himself collapse into Tony’s arms.

 

-

 

BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones

hey you know whats a good (gay) and also very serious on the issues facing today’s teens??? Euphoria. It’s so good. Watch it. Please. (unless you’re like,, under 16/17 or just especially innocent. Then please DON’T watch it you child)

 

cindy @moonmoon

wait I just looked up the trailer and what the fuck who’s this Zendaya and why does she look almost exactly like you?????????? do you have a secret actress alter ego???????? What???

 

BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones

no lmao Zendaya is my older cousin actually she’s really fuckin cool I love her so much B)

 

Zendaya @Zendaya

Ayyyyyyy B)

 

BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones

Ayyyyyyyyyyyy B)

 

-

 

[DM: Tony Stark -> May Parker]

 

Tony: Hey so I know you’re busy at work right now but he woke up

Tony: aaaaaaaaaaand escaped his room and almost got to the lifts before I grabbed him and he passed out

Tony: he’s okay don’t worry but Helen and the nurse said he should be waking up more often over the next few days but he might not stay awake for too long for a bit and tho hes healing very well especially for it only being a few days ago which I guess is expected but he’ll still be here for a little bit and I just really hope he didn’t set it back any longer with trying to escape but really I shouldntve have left him I just went to get a coffee and when I got back the staff were freaking the hell out and I dropped it and ran to try and find him

Tony: …you can probably tell I’m kind of freaking out but don’t worry its all okay I just wanted to let you know so you’d see this when you finished work

Tony: if you want to come by the room I’ll be there

 

-

 

The radio has been turned off. There’s the smell of coffee, and antiseptic, and some flowers that make his nose tickle.

Peter opens his eyes.

It’s night.

The blinds are drawn but the gaps in them are dark (or as dark as it gets in the city anyway). He can hear the steady thrum of New York traffic outside and the movement around the rest of the hospital building.

Mr Stark is slumped in the chair beside his bed, asleep, his eyes closed and his mouth open. He’s making little snuffling snores, and Peter wishes he had his phone right now so he could video it for blackmail.

He shuffles around in the bed until he’s comfortable again, and looks around. It’s amazing how different the hospital room feels now, just with Tony’s presence. There’s still an edge of uneasiness on Peter’s mind, but overall he’s so much calmer and much less wary. It fells kinda nice. Safe.

Peter looks back around at Tony, pulls the blanket up to his chin and closes his eyes with a slight smile.

 

He’s gonna be okay.

 

-

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

i lived bitch

[a selfie of peter huddled up under a soft blanket on the hospital bed, sunlight on his face, and doing a peace sign at the camera. he's got a small, tired but glad smile on his face and in his eyes, despite the bruises and mostly-healed cuts on his face]

 

 

succcccccc @succulentchild

oh my god hes absolutely adorable how have we not been blessed with this face before now??? my protecc instincts are through the roof. I love this smol boi so much already

 

two bros @chillinginahottub

OH NO IM GAY NOW

 

joe @mamaaajustkilledaman

sjkafdksjgfkjagkfja awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

 

rip fortnite lmao @QueensKiddo

holy shit im so glad you’re doing ok!!

 

-

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

wAIT WHAT THE FUCK

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

OK SO UR TELLING ME THAT WHILE I WAS UNCONCIOUS I MISSED

  1. MCR COMING BACK?? HOLY SHIT IM UP IM OUT OF THIS HOSPITAL I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO WALK TOO WELL YET BUT IM WALKING OUT OF HERE TO GO JOIN THE BLACK PARADE
  2. NOOOOO. IVE BEEN WAITING FOR HALLOWEEN SINCE NOV 1ST LAST YEAR WHAT THE HELL
  3. the shane x jeffree pallet broke the internet. of course it did what do u expect. congrats guys



 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

lmao rip

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

im not oooookaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy im not okaaayyyyyyy

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

 

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

will do

 

-

 

conspiracies galore @thonkfacemcgee

ok but has anyone heard of spidey being out and about while peter’s been in hospital???? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm??? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???????

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

lol no im on holidays temporarily with a family member, @hawkeyeee is doing Queens etc duty for now

 

COOLEST AVENGER @ hawkeyeee

Hell yeah I am, keep an eye out I might have some high fives and lollipops for the kids ;)

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

clint that kinda sounds creepy

 

COOLEST AVENGER @ hawkeyeee

Oh my god no I didn’t mean it to be. STRANGER DANGER, KIDS, LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELVES SO I DON’T HAVE TO COME RESCUE YOU also don’t get hit by cars cough@peter-parkourcough

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

OY

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

Ok but Peter can you stop listening to that music

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

what do u mean mr stark

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

…….....Emo music. That shit died in 2009 or something

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

oh fuck off I am Cultured this is the Good Shit how dare thou at least I don’t listen to Led Zeppelin at 3am while having a breakdown about accidentally fusing the iron man faceplate to the rest of the suit

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

Wait no that was ACDC

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

Wait no what do u mean that totally didn’t happen pshhhh no way

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

mhmm whatever u say, im gonna go back to binging all of mcr Goodbye

 

-

 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

so uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh welcome to Miles’ Meta CornerTM…… this seems to be becoming a more regular fixture in my chapters. idk. If u don’t like it tell me Blease (seriously plz do)

 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

i dunno ive just been Thinking (shocker, i know) and thought id share this bc i love and appreciate you guys

 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

so i used to get like,,, kinda mad over ships like,, oh u ship stony? thats a Bad ship,, stucky is OBVIOUSLY THE BEST etc etc but now i really don’t give a shit. like zero shits. maybe one but ,,, Obviously if it’s a canonically extremely problematic ship ill be like hhhhhhhhh noooope that’s Not Good but otherwise im like huh that’s cool I mean I don’t ship it but its cool

 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

I think this change is from several significant things so uh heres a list

  1. im more mature now than I was in say,,,, 2017….. and also more tired so I cant be bothered to give a shit about many things
  2. im not on tungle.hell anymore (I still have my old blog but I haven’t used it in ages)
  3. voltron happened and that whole thing was a complete shitshow and the fandom still scares me and I haven’t touched it since the last season so yeah ship wars are Very Not Fun
  4. twitter fics!! I binged a heap this year and still read the ones im subscribed to, and they always have all these ships that I don’t necessarily ship or even am aware of existing but theyre all pretty cool (even stony is generally great tbh. I mean im a hard-core stucky fan and team cap stan but on occasion I will end up reading a bit of stony) but I read them anyway bc im Thirsty for content and chat fics are so easily digestible and the background ships are,,, well,,,,,, background, so if I don’t really ship them then it doesn’t matter. but still, even if I don’t ship the ships theyre cool? Like?? Scott x tony??? Lmao what why how when????? That’s so fucking cool give me more.



 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

oh also yknow what? twitter fics are so damn cool. like it can be literally just shitposting and u can try basically anything its like sandbox fic mode and people will actually read it! thats so damn cool. if u have ideas for a twit fic just go write and post it u will not regret

 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

I have no clue if any of that makes sense but anyway uh yeehaw ig

 

ya boi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

I need to sleep more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well uh yeet if u like give me a comment if u didnt like give me a comment anyway :3 (blease)


	16. l'egg I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> l'egg

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

l'egg

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

l’egg

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

l’egg

 

Stark CEO @PepperPotts

l’egg

 

COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee

l’egg

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

l’egg

 

war machine??? @IronicPatriot

l’egg

 

I have 259 knives @blackwindow

l’egg

 

THOR @THUNDERBOI

l’egg

 

loki @snekboi

l’egg

 

science nerd @greenbeanbruce

l’egg

 

stove @CaptainAmerican't

l’egg

 

fridge magnet @jbbarnes

l’egg

 

on your above, asshole @falconsam

l’egg

 

Vision @Vision

l’egg

 

magic hoe @witchywanda

l’egg

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

l’egg

 

not dumbledore @DrStrange

l’egg

 

totally not scott @gi-ant-man

l’egg

 

Guy In The Chair @chair-man

l’egg

 

BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones

l’egg

 

not lincoln @abebabe

l’egg

 

cindy @moonmoon

l’egg

 

tired @Freakingoutdontyoumeanfreakingin

l’egg

 

also tired @DragonFaerie

l’egg

 

yet another tired person @the_fifth_marauder101

l’egg

 

odd username uwu @NF234_BreadHood

l’egg

 

likes meta stuff @Amaeliss

l’egg

 

jared, 19 @Agent_Up

l’egg

 

pidgeon @fakelib

l’egg

 

I LOVE U MY DUDE @doctormissy

l'egg

 

cool pfp @racheltheclumsy

l’egg

 

cameron @CameronOfTroy

l’egg

 

HEY THERE UR FIC IS GREAT AND UR SO MUCH BETTER THAN UPLOADING THAT ME EVERYONE GO READ THEIR FIC INSTEAD OF MINE (yeeter yarker and co) @PrinceDork

l’egg

 

<3 @slytherpuffrules

l’egg

 

just started voltron RIP @That_is_right

l’egg

 

spiderthonk @Emerald_Break

l’egg

 

I promise ill get around to reading ur fic I promise!!!!!! @Tarragonnift

l’egg

 

rip 2 voltorb @maknaeTaNi

l’egg

 

ooooooo aesthetic headphones @November_Clouds

l’egg

 

just here for parkner (YOULL GET IT I PROMISE JHDSGJSGFJKSDGKJFD IM SORRY) @lizamarri

l’egg

 

hey my dude I love u sm @whatsanaccounttoagod

l’egg

 

ily also duckling pfp is adorable @NarratorOfWriters

l’egg

 

loves anime and cats @Animeloverlovescats

l’egg

 

I PROMISE HARLEY WILL BE IN THIS SOON @Grateful

l’egg

 

Ilyyyyyyyy @Illcythings

l’egg

 

notjuli @julidoesnotwrites

l’egg

 

YEET @Inaryuubi

l’egg

 

the good stuff @rabbit_in_a_lizard_mask

l’egg

 

precious and deserves hugs @DCJoKeRHS

l’egg

 

thx for subscribing!! And binge-reading! @layr

l’egg

 

goodnight!!! @fishyfishtank

l’egg

 

dumbass warfstache stan @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

l’egg :3


	17. late merry chrysler chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
> yes hi hello i am Alive and Well

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
p  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
p,.,.,,, pee is stored in the b  
  
BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJonea  
Finish the sentence, coward  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
b,,,...,.,.,,.,,,,,,,.,,,  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
beans  
  
-  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
HAPPY HOLIDAYS/CHRISTMAS/HANUKKAH/WHATEVER U CELEBRATE  
I hope u all had a good day and didn't have to deal with toxic family members <3  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
those of you who aren't in a situation where you get or can afford presents, I've been there and I know how shitty it feels. mr stark is donating a heap of money to charities this december, and I hope it helps.  
anyone who has nowhere to go on xmas day, you're welcome in the tower. there's gonna be free lunch and presents for kids, as well as people there u can talk to about your current situation. stay warm, stay safe, and have a good december  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
^^^^^^ what he said  
also im back from holidays ur welcome birdman  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
kool B)  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
binch  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
You can't say anything, car boy  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
:o i can tell Tony that u stole his favourite pair of pliers  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
:O No!  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
CLINT  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
:3  
  
COOLEST AVENGER @hawkeyeee  
I can't believe you've done this  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
haha perish  
  
-  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
yes hi hello i am Alive and Well  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
I've not been on twit . com lately so much, im out of hospital but trying to take a bit of a social media break. thank u all for ur well wishes and all that uwu  
  
-  
  
Stark CEO @PepperPotts  
Happy holidays from the Avengers fam :)  
[photo of all (most of) the avengers + Spidey sitting in front of a rather large Christmas tree covered in avengers themed decorations. They're all wearing avengers themed Christmas sweaters, some corresponding to the person wearing it, some not]  
[Loki and Thor, in matching bad Xmas sweaters, Loki's green and decorated with little silver snakes, Thor's red with little silver Mjolnirs]  
[Peter, lying on a pile of crumpled wrapping paper, laughing. May and Pepper are beside him, also laughing]  
[Wanda, Clint and Nat stealing cookie mix from behind Steve's back as he flirts with Bucky. Bruce is in the background, wearing a sweater with beaker patterns, facepalming]  
[Tony wearing a Spidey sweater and Spidey wearing an Iron Man sweater (the Spider-Man mask over his face and sweater sleeves over his hands)]  
[Rhodey and Sam fake-glaring at each other, both wearing light-up reindeer antler headbands on their heads]  
[Vision dabbing, looking slightly confused, Peter crying with laughter beside him]  
  
-  
  
cindy @moonmoon  
in light of the recent jk rowling  
bullshittery - friendly reminder that you can enjoy media like the hp books even though the creater is rather problematic. separate them. develop the ability to be able to criticise things you enjoy, to be able to see the bad in things you like and the good in things you dislike.  
  
Sal-E @rainbowsally  
^^^^ also - if you don't want your money going to jkr, buy second hand Harry Potter books as well as art from independent artists, shirts from redbubble etc  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
also also write lots of hp fanfic where everyone is trans she can't stop us no one can >:3  
  
-  
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
ÒwÓ  
  
Vision @Vision  
ÓwÒ  
  
magic hoe @witchywanda  
UwU  
  
-  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
sub to unus annus or ill liquify ur kneecaps  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
(also ethan?? please???? hes backflip guy so hes spidey kin whether he likes it or not. he's almost at 1 mil please get him that play button before either mark kills him (or sean and the thankmas potatoes kill him) or he kills mark and ends up in jail)  
  
-  
  
yeethonk @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
jayden is rabies man ✊😔  
  
rabiophobic flower fucker @maisie

keid ur car @carseatheadreststan  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the ppl in the l'egg chapter was everyone who commented on the chapter before it. thank u all <3  
> there will be more l'eggs in the future.


	18. goodbye 2010s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
> HAP NOO YEES YALL
> 
> spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
> TIS ALMOST NEW DECADE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters in one day who am i and what have i done with the usual procrastinating dumbass who writes this bullshit  
> kidding im still here why else do u think i didnt upload anything except l'egg over like 2 months uwu

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
just a few things we wanna leave behind when we go into the new year/decade:  
\- cancel culture  
\- racism, ableism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc  
\- nazies  
\- climate change denial  
\- trump  
\- baby shark song (PLEASE I hate that thing)  
\- tony stark trying gen z slang  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Bro that's lit AF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me n the boys are gonna go hjgkgdhss j bdy nv h  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
rip tony he died in mysterious circumstances this is so sad Friday play despacito  
  
Shuruwui @actualprincess  
f  
  
-  
  
[group chat : AcaDec chat]  
[5:32pm]  
  
[abebabe is online]  
abebabe: BROSSSS THE ACTUAL YOUTUBE REWIND IS HERE  
abebabe: ALL HAIL THE KING  
  
bean: yeehawwww finally  
bean: the youtube meme lords have blessed us with their rewind  
  
ily bon jovi: k but can these guys just make the youtube rewinds from now on  
  
abebabe: yes Blease  
  
bean: aaaaaaaaaa  
  
moon moon: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  
  
ily bon jovi: k but it being the end of the 2010s has got me majorly nostalgic anyone else?  
  
moon moon: yeah same here  
  
bean: totally  
  
Sal-E: this has been,,, like,,,,, *our* decade. there's so many things changing that we'll look back on this in the future a lot I think. nothings ever gonna be the same again, not as it was for us growing up  
  
ily bon jovi: shit that's deep bro  
  
Sal-E: it really is, bro  
  
bean: also memes  
bean: this has been the golden age of memes and youtube and probably the internet in general, for us at least.  
  
[[hacker voice] im in is online]  
  
[hacker voice] im in: rip vine  
  
Sal-E: aaaaaaaaaaaAaä  
  
moon moon: aaaaa  
moon moon: honestly the younger kids in gen z and the kids in gen alpha who grew up without all these weird-ass creepy early 3d animation movies are missing out  
moon moon: eg: the Shrek movies, the bee movie, chicken run ,,,,,,,  
  
Sal-E: omg yes  
Sal-E: ice age movies  
  
[abebabe is online]  
abebabe: holy shit the ice age movies  
abebabe: I stg I have seen all of them on multiple occasions but I legit cannot remember anything at all except that goddamn squirrel who is apparently a god according to all those theories  
  
bean: hsksjksnskaja  
  
moon moon: WHA  
moon moon: SAME HH  
  
ily bon jovi: happy feet movies  
  
bean: [happy teeth meme]  
  
ily bon jovi: eye-  
ily bon jovi: that's so cursed what the hell  
  
bean: yw uwu I made it myself :3  
  
ily bon jovi: h  
  
Sal-E: ik there's the new one (I haven't seen it yet lmao, sue me) but the toy story movies  
Sal-E: have u seen the dog in the 1st one holy shit  
  
moon moon: oh my god the dog that thing gave me nightmares  
  
bean: OVER THE HEDGE  
  
[hacker voice] im in: OH MY GOD THAT MOVIE HSKSBJSNSKS  
  
abebabe: does anyone remember open season?  
  
bean: no  
  
moon moon: oh my god I think so  
  
[hacker voice] im in: ratatouille  
  
Sal-E: im sorry but ratatouille is a classic and a masterpiece  
  
abebabe: I never saw it lol  
  
Sal-E: HOW  
  
[hacker voice] im in: HOW  
[hacker voice] im in: ayy lmao  
  
moon moon: like half of these are classics of our generation now but theyre still weird af  
  
Sal-E: true  
  
bean: ratatoing >:D  
  
moon moon: H  
  
abebabe: FLUSHED AWAY  
abebabe: SHARK TALE  
  
bean: holy shit  
  
moon moon: monsters vs aliens  
  
[badass boss lady is online]  
  
bean: hiiiiii mj  
  
badass boss lady: antz  
badass boss lady: a bugs life  
  
bean: omg I always thought they were the same movie what  
  
abebabe: hoodwinked!  
  
[hacker voice] im in: OH MY GOD FOR HALF MY CHILDHOOD I ALWAYS SOMEHOW MISHEARD HOODWINKED AS WOODWIND SO I THOUGHT THE MOVIE WAS NAMED AFTER THE MUSIC INSTRUMENT FAMILY HSKSBJSNSKS  
  
bean: SKSKBSKSNS WHAT  
  
moon moon: chicken little  
moon moon: happily never after  
  
Sal-E: Wallace and Gromit and Shaun the Sheep were the absolute BEST when I was little  
  
abebabe: i blame the fantastic mr fox movie for the existence of furries  
  
bean: I never saw that rip  
  
badass boss lady: and yet  
  
bean: HSJBWJSBSJSVJAHSISBJSVAJSVJA MJ  
  
[hacker voice] im in: ASDFHFHDKSN TOASTED ROASTED BURNED TO A CRISP  
  
moon moon: f  
  
badass boss lady: f  
  
Sal-E: f  
  
abebabe: f  
  
[hacker voice] im in: f  
  
ily bon jovi: f  
  
bean: yet again i have been framed for crimes  
bean: furry crimes  
  
abebabe: be gay do crimes  
  
bean: be crime do gay(s)  
  
abebabe: :O  
  
[hacker voice] im in: hey @everyone for new years do y'all wanna come to my place and we can just binge all these movies from our childhood?? im p sure we have 90% of them on DVD bc we basically bought out the local blockbuster when it closed 😔  
  
bean: HELL YES  
  
ily bon jovi: omg yes Blease  
  
abebabe: yessssssss  
  
Sal-E: YEA  
  
moon moon: oooooh yes!  
  
badass boss lady: I'm in  
  
[gotta go fast is online]  
[9:21pm]  
  
gotta go fast: ...am i invited?  
  
[hacker voice] im in: it was @ /everyone, wasn't it  
[hacker voice] im in: of course u r  
[hacker voice] im in: pinky promise u won't be a dick?  
  
gotta go fast: alright  
gotta go fast: ......pinky promise  
gotta go fast: I won't be a dick  
  
[hacker voice] im in: :)  
  
[10:44pm]  
gotta go fast: thank u  
  
-  
  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
HAP NOO YEES YALL  
  
spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
TIS ALMOST NEW DECADE  
  
-  
  
stove @CaptainAmerican't  
Buck, Sam and I aren't exactly fond of fireworks, so we're out of New York for a few days. But happy new year to everyone. Make this a good decade.  
  
fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Don't be assholes. Also stay safe out there :)  
  
on your above, asshole @falconsam  
no u  
  
Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Have fun third wheeling @falconsam  
  
on your above, asshole @falconsam  
oh fuck  
  
-  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
new years eveeeeeeeeeeee  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
we have made it thru so many weird early 2000s movies and im having such a great time but also WHAT WERE THE PPL MAKING THESE THINKING WHY DO THEY EXIST WHA  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
update: abe started perfectly quoting Shrek is love Shrek is life and im so scared  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
update: sally went and bought a heap of childhood snacks the nostalgia is hitting me hard  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
update: [rather blurry video of several teenagers t-posing in a circle around a print out of the game theory logo and an image of Baldpat, with candles on top. they're chanting 'just a theory, just a theory, just a theory-']  
we trying to summon matthew patthew  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
update: aaaaäêæaaaaaaaaaaœ  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
update: [selfie of the whole acadec gang sitting on a rooftop and swathed in blankets]  
its fuckigjn cOold  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
update: ALMOST MIDNIGHT UWU  
  
no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
[image of peter, grinning widely, his hand in a peace sign, with fireworks in the background]  
2020!!!!!!  
  
-  
  
potato gun boy @ironharley  
im here bitches  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dunno what time it is where yall r but im uploading this the afternoon of new years eve yeeeeehawwww. last chapter of 2019. it's weird thinking about the end of the decade hhhh lmao  
> if you're going to be out and about new years eve, have fun and stay safe! if you're not, also have fun and stay safe and say hello to ur pets from me (if u have any)
> 
> any of my aussie readers, i hope none of you have been affected by the horrible bushfire season so far. one of my friends is evacuating but where i live is fine right now hhhhh. i really hope we get decent, steady rain soon, because i don't know what will happen without it (i've been up at my grandparents farm and its so fucking dry, all the dams are gone and the grass everywhere is completely dead. the old trees on the hills are dying. it's legitimately terrifying)  
> everyone else - i hope you're all doing well and continue to do so into the new year. 2019 has been, well, a year. it's had its ups and downs, and 2020 will too, but we can get through it. i'm proud of you all.  
> also @PrinceDork ur my son now whether u like it or not  
> (oh, also also.... next chapter or the one after im gonna have peter and/or spidey do a q&a on twitter, and i was thinking if you guys want to comment on this chapter with random questions you have for me, i'll do a small q&a as well, or ill use them for Peter lmao. i hope all of this makes sense rip. anyway.)  
> i'll see you all next decade ;)


	19. hippity hoppity ur teeth r now my property

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
> do u ever just go on a setheverman youtube and tumblr binge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote most of this chapter standing in a bunnings  
> did not get sosig  
> there was no sizzle  
> am sad
> 
> im back home now

loki @snekboi  
gender found dead in miami

loki @snekboi  
also I made a friend  
[a fat gecko sits on Loki's palm. he looks smug (the gecko, not Loki)]

loki @snekboi  
what should I name him

magic hoe @witchywanda  
gerald

loki @snekboi  
fair enough

loki @snekboi  
hey does anyone want to see my scarlet witch cosplay

-

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
imagine tony stank crawling inside your ear. you tell him to stop but he is in there

Shuruwui @actualprincess  
ñyæëêëé e

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
E

Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Excuse Me Kid But What The Fuck

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
go back to ur oatmeal old man

Shuruwui @actualprincess  
u know wh

Shuruwui @actualprincess  
h hw

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
it's ok take ur time

Shuruwui @actualprincess  
u know w whos thiccer than a bowl of oatmeal

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
who

Shuruwui @actualprincess  
m'baku

Shuruwui @actualprincess  
ain't that right @t'challaman

kitty cat @t'challaman  
i  
that was 2018 im

Shuruwui @actualprincess  
bitch

kitty cat @t'challaman  
blocked

Shuruwui @actualprincess  
wait unblock me I gotta tell u something important

kitty cat @t'challaman  
...unblocked

Shuruwui @actualprincess  
bitch

on your above, asshole @falconsam  
wait t'challa has twitter

kitty cat @t'challaman  
no

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
what the fuck is going on in here on this day

-

fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
How to tell your man to Shut The Up

science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
What's he doing now?

fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Crying because I rememBered the first time we met

science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
What level you on

fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Gym

science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
Do you want me to bring you blankets and hot chocolates

fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Yes

science nerd @greenbeanbruce  
Okay

fridge magnet @jbbarnes  
Thank You

-

rip stan lee @deadpool  
I just got a voucher for a hairdressers anyone want it

rip stan lee @deadpool  
...anyone??????

rip stan lee @deadpool  
@burdenedwithgloriousfandoms DO U WANT IT

memento mori @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
no

rip stan lee @deadpool  
YOUR HAIR IS BASICALLY A MULLET DO U WANT TO BE KEITH FROM VOLTRON KINNIE LIKE U WERE IN 2018

memento mori @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
EXCUSE ME I WAS NOT  
and it's not a mullet it's just a Bit Long because I haven't cut it since like july  
anyway it doesn't look anything like his screw u

rip stan lee @deadpool  
you absolutely were and there is no denying it  
you cosplayed

memento mori @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
shut up don't remind me and my ribs about that ever again

-

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
do u ever just go on a setheverman youtube and tumblr binge

Seth Everman @SethEverman  
yes

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
holy fuck

-

potato gun boy @ironharley  
@TonyStark ur a bitch

potato gun boy @ironharley  
@TonyStark ur a bitch

potato gun boy @ironharley  
@TonyStark ur a bitch

potato gun boy @ironharley  
@TonyStark ur a bitch

potato gun boy @ironharley  
@TonyStark ur a bitch

potato gun boy @ironharley  
@TonyStark ur a bitch

potato gun boy @ironharley  
@TonyStark ur a bitch

potato gun boy @ironharley  
@ yall telling me to stop: tony stark broke into my garage in 2013 and I threatened him with a home made potato gun

potato gun boy @ironharley  
we have phone calls every month but he missed our last one and so yes I am allowed to call tony a bitch if I want to and I will until he calls me back and/or notices I actually finally got twitter

potato gun boy @ironharley  
@TonyStark ur a bitch

potato gun boy @ironharley  
@TonyStark ur a bitch

potato gun boy @ironharley  
@TonyStark ur a bitch

-

totally not scott @gi-ant-man

my favourite movie <3

-

BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones  
If billionaires aren't in the news every week or two for donating to charity or doing something to save the Earth why do we even have them

Iron Stank @TonyStark  
Good point

-

BREAKING NEWS @SydneyMorningHerald  
Tony Stark donates 'extremely substantial' amount to Australian charities raising money for bushfire recovery efforts, sends spare new tech to use as waterbombing and firefighting aircraft, tells Australian government to 'get your heads out of your asses and stop denying climate change'

-

memento mori @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
on a more serious note here lads I just wanna talk about Australia for a minute

memento mori @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
I'm at my grandparents placern, which is on a farm and where I spent a lot of my childhood. It's so goddamn dry. The dams are all empty. The paddocks are literally just dust and they don't even have any livestock rn apart from the horses. The trees are dying and so are the animals. We put water out for the birds and wallabies but there's so many bones in the paddocks. You can see them because the grass is dead.  
It rained a little last night (5mL in rain gauge) and I realised how much I miss the sound and smell and feel of rain  
Some places in my state haven't had decent rain for like 5 years. The drought is just getting worse and worse. Summers are getting hotter and hotter. The tar on the road is melting.

memento mori @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
The TV is on in the other room, and when I'm driving the radio is on. Every day there's news of the fires. Someone else dead, somewhere evacuating, somewhere residents being told it's too late to evacuate and they need to find shelter. There's videos of completely orange skies, of pieces of burnt rubble picked up and deposited by the fires a kilometre away, of people in boats on a lake watching the fires surround them and their whole town go up, of thousands waiting on a beach for the Navy to find them.  
All the major cities on the east coast have had days or weeks or even months with smoke and dust blanketing them, and had their air quality as some of the worst in the world. The smoke has blown across the southern hemisphere.  
I think I heard them saying now that a billion animals have died and millions of hectaresare burnt. Don't trust me on those facts, but it's something like that. I don't know anymore.  
I'm not even in the path of the fires, and I'm so, so glad I'm not, but it's exhausting and terrifying all the same. I can't even imagine how bad it would be for those who are.

memento mori @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
The fires started at the end of winter. It's weird, I go on the internet and suddenly, now, people know about what's happening. Before the last couple of weeks no one seemed to have any clue. There's suddenly people donating and raising money, and it's amazing to see.  
So, if you have money to spare (remember: always put the needs of yourself first, so if you don't have money to spare do not worry), please consider donating to some of the charities that need it. Here's the ABC page (thank god we still have the ABC I don't know what we'd do without it) with donation info - <https://about.abc.net.au/appeals>/ - I don't know if it's accessable in other countries, and there's heaps of youtubers doing charity streams (as always, make sure they're trusted channels) (I've heard of a heap but the only ones I know off the top of my head is crankgameplays (1 MIL BABEYYYY) on the 17th and jacksepticeye's stream on the 25th. they r both great people)

memento mori @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
if you read all that holy heck if you didn't : tldr Australia needs help also our government is still denying climate change fuck them

memento mori @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
Holy shit it just started raining again and it's so wonderful im gonna cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Spidey will b doing twitter q and a for 20th chapter (next). Thank u to ppl who have sent questions, please send more!! Just random stuff. Whatever comes to mind. The weirdest crap ur weird mind thinks of. Whatever. If u have any of those questions u want me to answer bc this fic is meta as hell already feel free to comment them too but it'll be mainly Peter and Spidey q and a. And possibly more Harley. bc I love him
> 
>  
> 
> oh yeah happy teeth photoshop was done by me when I was supposed to be studying for a biology exam anyway


	20. quentin quarantino

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour  
> everyone Blease go look at what toby starch and spoodey said also im at the Tower rn w a fully disinfected @ActuallySpider-Man bc my wonderful Aunt (who I live with) is a nurse and working really really hard at the hospital so. yeah. we at home and bored and I know a lot of you guys are too so I thought we could do a Q and A!! @ either of us with whatever questions you have and we’ll do our best to answer them
> 
> spooder @ActuallySpider-Man  
> hit us with your sweet sweet Qs, cowards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS 15 PAGES AND 3500 WORDS IM SCREECHING  
> thats literally all the assignments i have rn for school put together WHY CAN I WRITE 3500 WORDS OF THIS BULLSHIT AND NOT THE STUFF THAT I REALLY NEED TO DO RN  
> also sorry i havent updated in a while uwu blease voregive me  
> also also sorry if the spacing is Wack

on your above, asshole @falconsam

let's be real: the worst part of living in a tower with several enhanced people and just generally very fit human beings is trying to undo the jar lids

 

on your above, asshole @falconsam

guys I'm begging you, please please stop doing them up so tightly it's wrecking my self-esteem all I wanted was some peanut butter

 

-

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

I haven’t been on twitter a lot lately because there’s been so much to work out with the current situation of everything, but I’m taking a bathroom break right now so hi there. Right. Covid-19.

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

tmi mr stanky man

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

Stark Industries has reduced the amount of staff in its workplaces to the absolute minimum, and those who can are working from home, those who usually can’t are being given other tasks if possible. All staff are still being paid their usual wages and no, we are not firing people.

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

Currently we are converting several old SI workplaces (since converted to storage areas, but mostly empty) across the country into hospitals and temporary isolation wards. We’re also working with and funding those studying Covid-19 and those who are working to develop a vaccine, as well as trying to help produce and speed up testing methods to hopefully reduce the price.

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

Some things everyone can do to help:

  1. get your information from RELIABLE sources, such as the World Health Organisation. Fact check anything you see on social media before you pass it on. Misinformation is crazy at the moment
  2. if you feel sick, if you’re back from overseas, if someone you’ve interacted is sick, if your local authorities tell you to – SELF ISOLATE. Do not try and get out of it or get around it. Don’t take that risk, don’t be an idiot. Isolate.
  3. care for people at risk, including by isolating yourself from them, encouraging them to go into isolation if it’s needed and just generally supporting them through this
  4. DON’T. PANIC. Don’t panic buy. Please. It makes things worse for everyone.
  5. WASH YOUR GODDAMN HANDS – and use hand sanitiser when you can’t use soap + water



 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

The most important thing I have to say today, though, is that we’ll get through this. Together. I’m not the best at being motivational but I know this is a really, really stressful situation for many of us, and I know that we can work to come out of this stronger.

 

-

 

[group chat : AcaDec chat]

[11:31am]

 

[badass boss lady is online]

badass boss lady: so

 

[abebabe is online]

[ily bon jovi is online]

ily bon jovi: rip acadec

 

abebabe: there still might be competitions, just later in the year

 

badass boss lady: we’ll see

badass boss lady: but I want to keep up practices anyway, in case we get to compete after all

badass boss lady: also just to get us thru quarantine. couple of skype or whatever sessions a week maybe. not too long, but we can at least do a few rounds of questions and maybe chat a bit

badass boss lady: gotta keep our sanity somehow haha

 

[moon moon is online]

moon moon: I’m down

 

abebabe: me too

 

ily bon jovi: yeah same here

ily bon jovi: otherwise ill just watch youtube 24/7 and fall deeper into the dark pits of despair

 

moon moon: mood

 

[Sal-E is online]

Sal-E: im down also I just realised we never added betty

 

abebabe: bRO WHAT

 

moon moon: oop skskskskssks she was away w her dad when we made this and we completely forgot oh my fucking god how did we do that

 

badass boss lady: SHFKJHKJFGDKJG OH NO

 

[bean is online]

[Betty Brant has been added to AcaDec chat]

[Betty Brant’s name has been changed to Better]

 

Better: oh hi

Better: lmao I wondered if you had a chat bc u kept mentioning it

 

bean: WE’RE SO SORRY WE DIDN’T REALISE AAA

 

Better: LMAO NO ITS OK

 

moon moon: heyyyyyyyyyyy betty hang on ill just slide into ur DMs and tell u who everyone is

 

[[hacker voice] im in is online]

[hacker voice] im in: HSKJGDKJSGFKJGKJFGKJD HI BETTY

 

Better: HI NED

 

[hacker voice] im in: HI

 

Better: HI

 

Sal-E: lmao

 

moon moon: lmao

 

bean: lmao

 

badass boss lady: lmao

 

ily bon jovi: lmao

 

abebabe: lmao

 

[gotta go fast is online]

gotta go fast: lmao

 

badass boss lady: ok so is everyone down with what I suggested?

 

gotta go fast: yee

 

bean: yep

 

Better: sounds good uwu

 

Sal-E: a aaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

abebabe: im so glad i have Animal Eternal and Doom Crossing to entertain me,,,

 

bean: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

moon moon: AAAAA

 

Better: A

 

ily bon jovi:

 

abebabe:

[E](https://twitter.com/i/status/1095873382703353857)

 

-

 

science nerd @greenbeanbruce

Hey everyone – so, Tony mentioned misinformation (aka ‘fake news’) briefly, but I’m here to point out a few things that have been circulating that are false, just in the hopes of getting people to become aware of how big the issue is right now

 

science nerd @greenbeanbruce

  1. bat soup – that one video that’s been circulating of the woman eating bat soup was filmed in Palau, Micronesia, in 2016. she did not start the goddamn virus. she was not even in Wuhan (or China at all) when she filmed it. yes, the Huanan Seafood Wholesale Market is a potential (and widely-accepted) starting place or at least early transmission point of the virus, but IT WAS NOT THE BAT SOUP IN THAT VIDEO.
  2. there is basically no evidence to the conspiracy theory that Covid-19 was a deliberate plot or manufactured in a the Wuhan Institute of Virology
  3. not as serious, but still something to note - yes, dolphins have been sighted in Italy, around ports and islands, but they’re not in the canals. videos have been taken out of context.



 

science nerd @greenbeanbruce

Don’t let the misinformation and hysteria take control of you. fact check your information, people.

 

-

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

in regards to the current coronavirus situation – I’m still patrolling Queens etc, but I will avoid touching as much as possible. so: no hugs. sorry. I don’t get sick because my body is Wack bc spider stuff, but I’m still washing and sanitising and disinfecting and being generally very careful bc I absolutely don’t wanna pass it on and so should you all.

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

also if I see people going Feral at shops n supermarkets n all that, I won’t hesitate bitch im ready to web yall

 

-

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

everyone Blease go look at what toby starch and spoodey said also im staying at the Tower rn w a fully disinfected @ActuallySpider-Man bc my wonderful Aunt (who I live with) is a nurse and working really really hard at the hospital so. yeah. we at home and bored and I know a lot of you guys are too so I thought we could do a Q and A!! @ either of us with whatever questions you have and we’ll do our best to answer them

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

hit us with your sweet sweet Qs, cowards

 

 

fuck disney stan finnpoe @voidrot

hey @peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man – have you read homestuck? <3

 

bitchboi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

WHYYY why r u like this my dude

 

fuck disney stan finnpoe @voidrot

uwu nyaaa ~

 

bitchboi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

w h y

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

@voidrot uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh absolutely nooooooooooooooooot

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

he’s read it

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

sHUT

 

yeet yeet mcgeet @lurking_dragon

@peter-parkour Kinda random question but did you like Hoodwinked? I love Hoodwinked, it was a really clever idea and the twist villain was phenomenal, with some hilarious lines in there.

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

@lurking_dragon OH MY GOD SO one of the schools I went to when I was Child had only 4 DVDs or something and they were: hoodwinked, mr bean’s holiday, chipmunks: chipwrecked, and over the hedge. so whenever we went on field trips or got to watch stuff at school it was always one of those movies so I’ve seen them all so many goddamn times

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

to actually answer the question tho – I used to love it so much and re-watching it was super weird but also really fun and entertaining (plus I’d forgotten a bunch of the twists n stuff so I was Shook)

 

smiley face of death @OoO_Winter_Wolf_OoO

@peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man What was the stupidest thing Tont Stank has done in the lab?

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

@OoO_Winter_Wolf_OoO OH BOY he once was testing an old Iron Man suit and fell asleep in it and we couldn't find him for hours because it just looked like it was sitting in storage and also bc it didn't have an AI in it. dumbass.

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

@OoO_Winter_Wolf_OoO I’ve said it before buuuut accidentally fusing the iron man helmet faceplate to the rest of it bc he’d been up for like 40 hours straight I stg

 

Hell yeah wolves @Moonlite_drabbles

@peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man how does/will tony deal with the concentrated power of both Harley and Peter together??

 

bitchboi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

@Moonlite_drabbles spoilers, sweetie ;)

 

harry potter glasses yeet @tryingtosleep

@peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man

for petey snicker bar

\- m8 do you uh, have any pics of stark covered in like,,, fifty blankets thanks

for spidir moon

\- yes hello can you stick to waxed/icy surfaces

\- do your webs do fancy things like electricity or corrode surfaces? or are you just a spoder man doi spoder thangs?

\- would you consider becoming mothman for comic-con

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

@tryingtosleep OH BOY THAT’S A FEW Qs NOICE

but yee here u go [photo of tony stark passed out in lab cuddling up to an old iron man suit and wrapped in several fluffy blankets]

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

OY

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

;)

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeet so

can I stick to waxed/icy surfaces? – idk about waxed but icy I can,,,, barely,,,,,,,,, it so slippery and mildly terrifying when ur on a skyscraper so. yes kinda but big yike.

r my webs fancy or? – yeah actually usually I just use normal webs but me n my AI have got a bunch of weird combinations and im still not sure what some of them do or when I would use them like???? taser webs r epic but also ???? ive been trying acid web stuff recently in the lab to see if it could help w getting ppl out of things like crashed cars without hurting them and hhh not going well so far I accidentally melted my whole workbench ,,

would i consider becoming mothman for comic-con? OH ABSOLUTELY YES I GOTTA DO THAT NOW OMG

 

yeehaw matey @Sh1kaN4RU_iSnoIcE

@peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man Shrek is love, Shrek is life. I pray for shrek, every night <3

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

@Sh1kaN4RU_iSnoIcE  N O

 

ahahaha @theinternetruinedme

@peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man have pete and harley met, most chaotic thing to happen w pete and spidey, & pete and spidey opinion on happy teeth

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

@theinternetruinedme ur name is a mood but also??????? why ppl asking about this Harley dude???? whomst???

 

ahahaha @theinternetruinedme

oh hah he’s this dude who keeps spamming Tony on twitter and saying that he broke into his garage or something

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

WAIT THAT HARLEY!!! Mr stanky mentions him and aaaaaaaaaaaaa no I haven’t not yet!!

 

ahahaha @theinternetruinedme

wait wait so he’s legit??

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

I mean I guess so??????????? aaaaaaaaaaa anyway no we have not met, uhhhh probably the most chaotic thing with me n spide is whenever shuri is in town bc we can prank the avengers real good lmao, uhh I showed spoodey happy teeth and he straight up yeeted the phone across the room so. yeah.

 

BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones

Hey so are daddy issues a prerequisite to get into the Avengers or

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

HKJSDHSJKDGSKJDJSG MJ

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

yes

 

Graceeeee @Grace

@peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man  Question: why??

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

why??

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

why??

 

coffeet @CasualCaffeine

@ActuallySpider-Man  For the question thing: I went to comic con last year and I saw a person "cosplaying" Spiderman wearing a kilt and playing the bagpipes while riding a unicycle through the vendors hall, was this actually you?

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

@CasualCaffeine no that was @deadpool lmao he “’’’’borrowed””””” my suit

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

;)))))))))) don’t u kno it babeyyy

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

what

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

OwO

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

begone thot

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

no u

 

didn’t fall off astronomy tower @Dumbledork

@peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man  Questions for Spidey: what’s the weirdest interaction you’ve had with a stranger (as Spidey)? How much of you is sticky? Have you ever considered doing gymnastics/dance/anything like that with your flippy skills? Is the suit comfy? Bc it looks like spandex and I know spandex can be really itchy, especially when you’re sweaty.

Questions for Peter: what’s the weirdest thing you’ve made with Mr. Snark? What emo stereotypes do you (now or in the past) fit other than the music? Have you seen Spidey’s real face, and if so is he cute? Is he hot? Does he have 8 eyes?

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

@Dumbledork oh boy this is a lot!! Ok so

weirdest interaction with a stranger? one time I saved this old lady’s cat from a tree and she ended up inviting me over to her place for bingo and casserole night and I didn’t wanna say no so I went and played bingo with all her friends and had the best casserole ive ever had and now I try to drop in to her place once a month or so to see how she’s doing and pet her cat. weird but wholesome

how much of me is sticky? mainly hands n feet which was a bitch to learn to control at first (its mostly instinct now but I still Suffer sometimes) but ive had instances of when im really stressed n not thinking, clothes n stuff will like,,,,, stick to my stomach and back and legs and arms n stuff which is a Problem

have i ever considered doing gymnastics/dance/etc? I actually used to do ballet and gymnastics as a kid but stopped a fair few years ago (I wasn’t bad tho). I’d be interested to see what it’d be like now, but a) I don’t really have time and b) if I went into a random gymnastics place and started climbing the walls it’d be pretty obvious im not a Normal Dude

is the suit comfy? oh absolutely – I wear it under normal clothes sometimes bc its so noice. Idk much about fabrics n stuff, mr stanker knows more, but it’s a blend of a bunch of different things so that it works in all the ways I need it to, while still being comfy enough to wear for long lengths of time

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

yeet

whats the weirdest thing ive made with mr snark? Idk a lot of weird smol robots but probably my favourite weird thing rn is a thor-powered toaster bc thor kept getting tired of waiting for the normal toaster so he’d try to Lightning Power Zap the bread and end up toasting the whole kitchen instead

what emo stereotypes do I (now or in the past) fit other than the music? ok so I used to have Quite Long hair and once I dyed it black and tried to do the Emo Gorl Fringe thing while my aunt and uncle were out one day and it really didn’t go well at all. other than that ig I just went thru that low-key emo phase for like a year or two when ur really depressed and repressed and wear a lot of tight black shirts and cry to mcr yeah anyway that was a While Ago

have I seen Spidey’s real face, and if so is he cute? Is he hot? Does he have 8 eyes? yeah he has 8 eyes and fangs and hes fucking ugly (kidding ily my dude)

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

screw u binch

 

rip stan lee @deadpool

stop flirting, nerds

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

SHUT THE UP

 

Hhhhhhhhhhh @Hdhdjdjdj

@peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man  Belly button lint, yes or no

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

h

 

myeet @M.E.

@peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man  during an eclipse is it safe to stare directly at Willem Dafoe?

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

eye???? what??????? wh?????? ????? ?

 

cindy @moonmoon

@peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man  r u guys dating or

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

absolutely not

[a photo of peter kissing spidey on the cheek – its photoshopped (duh) but no one knows that uwu]

 

cindy @moonmoon

HWKEFJHSJDKJSDGKFJGSDJKFG WH A T  THE SHIT PARKER ????????

 

lesbean @Arty_Girl

@ActuallySpider-Man  Q for the thing: What's the weirdest thing you've seen the Avengers do? Spill the tea- (especially if it's about Clint)

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

oh boy soooooooooooo many things but also clint lmao even more he’s just a fuckin weird guy but he’s great uhhhhhhhhhhhh basically clint has his Nest. Its in his room on this ledge thing high up and he uses it all the time just to sit in and chill or read or sleep. the thing with the nest is that when he’s up there he pulls up the rope thing he uses to climb to it up with him so literally no one can get up there except me and nat. he also generally turns off his hearing aids when he’s up there so the only way to tell him its dinner time or something is happening is to a) climb up there yourself or b) throw shit at him until he comes down. on top of all that he also leaves a lot of things in his nest and then forgets he left it there so he loses things all the time. also also also he tends to leave bits of half-assembled arrows in there so u gotta b careful where u sit or step

 

COOLEST AVENGER @ hawkeyeee

STOP EXPOSING ME KIDDO

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

what else am I here on this bitch of an earth for if not that

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

NO SHURI NOT THAT IMAGE ITS SO CURSED BLEASE NO

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

too late honey

 

Shuruwui @actualprincess

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

NO NO NO NOOO OK THIS Q AND A IS OVER BYE

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

wait @peter-parkour @ActuallySpider-Man  I’ve got a Q:  r u two my replacements lmao

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

oH MY GOD ARE YOU *THE* HARLEY

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

WHJSDKFGKJDGKJFJKGFGD HELLO THERE UR A LEGEND

 

-

 

bitchboi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

hey there demons, its me, ya boi (AND BUZZFEED UNSOLVED NEW SEASON IM SCREECHIN,, anyway)

so. 2020 has been wild. after I posted the last chapter we got some pretty crazy floods (not the biggest tho lmao) which pretty much put the fires out and helped a lot with the drought in some areas. It rained a lot where I live which was sooooo nice and everything went from dead and dry and brown to crazily green and like,,, waist length grass within a few days which was Wild

 

bitchboi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

anyway anyway that was a while ago bc I haven’t posted anything for a bit (lmao im dumbass this should be literally the easiest chapter bc half of its already done for me – thank you all so much to those of u who commented with questions!! ily) but also things have just been moving really fast and so much has been happening, most of it not great.

obviously the whole coronavirus shit is really big – my school is still going for the next two weeks until the holidays unless we get a student with the virus – and I’ve been pretty anxious about it because Anxiety + my grandparents aren’t taking it all seriously enough. Also extra anxious bc I’m now in my last year of high school with about 8 months to go and I’m really not the best at school but I’ve gotta pass and get a high enough ATAR score to get into the uni i want so. yeet. aaaaaaa. Sorry I haven’t written any on this in a while (I’ve posted some other things over the last few months tho, go check them out if u want ;)))) )

 

bitchboi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

look, just listen to the advice earlier in this chapter and what WHO says and whatever ur local government or whatever says and stay safe and stay strong. Please. this too shall pass, etc etc all that jazz. (ya like jazz?)

 

bitchboi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

as this is the 20th chapter (it feels like more but at the same time not) I just wanted to say a massive, massive thank you to everyone who has left kudos (3496), commented (1119 but some of them are my replies), bookmarked (599), and read (hits: 39541) this chaotic mess. I never thought I’d have a fic with that many kudos or hits or comments or anything, let alone one that people would like much at all. you guys have boosted my confidence in my writing ability so much, and every single time I see a new comment or kudos I’m so thankful I decided to pick up my old phone, go into the notes app and write some bullshittery about peter parker on twitter. Thank you all, so, so much <3

 

bitchboi @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms

I know a bunch of you are probably really bored right now so: I started a discord. Feel free to join if you want, absolutely no pressure, but I’d really love to get to know some of you more. And you can meet new people, and share art and fics and fic recs, talk about fandom stuff, and just generally hang out! -> [https://discord.gg/a3qC28X](https://discord.gg/sETm6jg)

 


	21. i forgot i made coronavirus canon in this fic and spent a week or two cursing my past self bc i wanted to write a Thing but i cant but,,, im working on it you'll see uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> war machine??? @IronicPatriot  
> I just remembered when Tony grew a beard and a man bun in college because he was like, 16 and everyone made fun of him for being a baby. except because he was a baby he couldn’t grow facial hair yet so he stole the secret failed reproductions of the super soldier serum they gave Rogers, and he modified them to just do hair
> 
> war machine??? @IronicPatriot  
> but he didn’t do something correctly and when he took it, yes, his hair grew, but I just wouldn’t stop growing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres not an actual bfu twitter they just reply from ryan and shanes accounts usually ?????? from memory anyway ?? but i couldnt decide between my ghoul bois so uh yeah youll see, i just had to Disclaimer in case anyone comes for my soul
> 
> also wow thats a long chapter title
> 
> i honestly dont know what this chapter is have fun

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

when I die make sure it’s mysterious so I get featured on an episode of BuzzFeed Unsolved

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

*if* you die

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

I mean in my ‘line of work’ or whatever,,, it’s a big possibility so ;))))))))

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

kid wHAT THE HELL

 

BuzzFeed Unsolved @BuzzFeed Unsolved

Please don’t get yourself killed! You might get featured anyway………

 

spooder @ActuallySpider-Man

HEJKHDJHJFHDKJFHDK????????????????????????????

 

BuzzFeed Unsolved @BuzzFeed Unsolved

;)

 

-

 

science bro @greenbeanbruce

apparently Asgardian n mmead works on super metabolism thingies!! !

 

science bro @greenbeanbruce

I nver drink beeecausee a) fun ole childhood traumaaaaaaa!! and b)) scared I'll let my guard down an the big guy (hulk! Him! hes chillin in my head right noww thinking about thor too hahahhaa mood) will come out and fuuuck shit up

 

science bro @greenbeanbruce

but I was really tired d and Thor left some out for some reason I don't know and I jut grabbed it and drank and didn't realise until it woke me up a bit and now I'm drunkkkkkkk this is weird I haven't been drunk since

 

science bro @greenbeanbruce

OH MY GOD THOR IS BACK HES UPSTAIR S A

 

science bro @greenbeanbruce

HES SO PRETTY AND HANDSME AND HOTT WHATD ID I DO T DESERVE THIS MAN

 

science bro @greenbeanbruce

HIS HAIR SO SOFT

 

science bro @greenbeanbruce

HANG ON ILL B BACCK M GONNA GO,,., TOUCH HIS HAIR

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

@THUNDERBOI come get ur mans

 

-

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

@TonyStark bitch

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

@TonyStark jerk

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

@TonyStark assbutt

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

@TonyStark idjit

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

@TonyStark asshole

 

-

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

:)

 

-

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

@TonyStark bitchbaby

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

@TonyStark stanky man

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

@TonyStark fuck

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

@TonyStark binchman

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

@TonyStark aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

-

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

:))))))

 

-

 

potato gun boy @ironharley

@Tony Stark AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

-

 

war machine??? @IronicPatriot

I just remembered when Tony grew a beard and a man bun in college because he was like, 16 and everyone made fun of him for being a baby. except because he was a baby he couldn’t grow facial hair yet so he stole the secret failed reproductions of the super soldier serum they gave Rogers, and he modified them to just do hair

 

war machine??? @IronicPatriot

but he didn’t do something correctly and when he took it, yes, his hair grew, but I just wouldn’t stop growing

 

war machine??? @IronicPatriot

we had to take him to the campus nurse and try to explain what the hell had happened to cause him to have Rapunzel-style locks and a beard that looked like he’d been on a deserted island for 40 years

 

war machine??? @IronicPatriot

she cut it and it just grew back again and again and again but thankfully after a few days it wore off and he was back to his baby-faced self, except that he decided to keep his hair a bit longer and didn’t quite get rid of the beard entirely so I guess he did achieve what he was aiming for

 

war machine??? @IronicPatriot

I still have man bun photos. Tones you’d better replace my chocolate stash if you don’t want them leaked

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

RHODEY HONEY BEAR LIGHT OF MY LIFE I’LL BUY YOU ALL THE CHOCOLATE YOU WANT FOREVER AND I WON’T EAT ANY OF IT AGAIN IF YOU KEEP THOSE PHOTOS BURIED AWAY IN THE DARK LIKE THEY SHOULD BE

 

war machine??? @IronicPatriot

hmm idk

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

PLEASE

 

war machine??? @IronicPatriot

okay fine

 

-

 

no. 1 SI intern @peter-parkour

oops I cant breathe

 

no. 1 SI intern @peter-parkour

oh fuck this is my main twitter ahahaha rip

 

-

 

[DM – MJ -> Tony Stark]

 

[10:41pm]

MJ: hey so I think Peter just passed out

MJ: the three of us were watching stuff over Netflix party and chatting on discord and suddenly his breathing was getting worse and then there was a thump and he’s not answering us

 

Tony Stark: FUCK

 

-

 

[Discord – sleep deprived dumbasses – voice chat]

[10:42pm]

 

“I texted Tony.”

“Okay, okay, that’s good. Peter? Peter can you hear us?”

“Hang on, twitter-”

“MJ, why the hell are you checking twitter?”

“This idiot posted something. Check his intern account.”

“Oh, god, idiot, why didn’t he mention it?”

“He’s insecure.”

“Y- yeah. Yeah. But still! I would’ve called a pyjama party!”

“We’ll talk to him after he wakes up.”

“Uh, hey? MJ? Uh, Ned?”

“Stark.”

“Oh! Hey! Mr- Mr Stark! Hi!”

“Ah. He’s on the floor. Friday, he’s wearing his watch, can you get the info from Karen?”

“Yes, sir. Karen says Peter has been binding for well over the recommended time limit of eight hours. His breathing is dangerously shallow and I would recommend taking it off as soon as possible. He should regain consciousness very soon.”

“How long?”

“Fifteen hours, sir.”

“Fuck.”

“Oh, shit.”

“What the hell was he doing today?”

“Him and I were helping at the foodbank this afternoon, but I know before that he was sitting on the roof talking to his aunt, and then doing schoolwork, and he was stressed and exhausted so I said he couldn’t go on patrol. He hasn’t been doing well lately. I mean, no one has been, but it’s just… everything piling up and he feels like he should be doing more to help. I get it, absolutely, I- I feel it too, but he can’t. He needs to take care of himself.”

“Yeah.”

“Sir, Peter’s breathing is improving. He will regain consciousness soon, but should probably sleep. He’s very tired.”

“Yeah, Fri, I know.”

“You too, sir.”

“I know. Right. You two should probably sleep as well. I’ll take care of Peter now, and you can lecture him tomorrow. He’ll be alright.”

“Good. Thanks, Stark. You’re pretty good sometimes.”

“MJ- don’t-”

“Hah, thank you. Okay. Bye.”

“Bye Mr Stark!”

“Uh. How do you hang up?”

“The little phone with the cross. Disconnect.”

“Oh. Thanks. Bye.”

 

-

 

no. 1 SI intern @peter-parkour

ok not to flex or anything but once my friend dared me to read the entire milk fic in one go in art class with a straight face because she didn’t believe that I’d read worse and I did it. I fucking read the entire milk fic without stopping and with a straight face in the middle of ART CLASS on a dare and im absolutely not flexing but yeah I did that once. come at me bro.

 

BLACK LIVES MATTER @MichelleJones

good to see ur doing okay then

 

no. 1 SI intern @peter-parkour

im an epic gaymer of course im doing okay

 

-

 

[group chat: golden trio but gen z]

[9:12am]

 

queen mj: hey peter

 

the chosen one: hey mj

 

darth ned: FIFTEEN HOURS

darth ned: IK UR DYSPHORIA BAD RN BUT BLEASE

darth ned: U GOT SUPER HEALING BUT STILL ???? U PASSED OUT. DON’T DO THAT AGAIN

 

queen mj: oh shit

 

the chosen one: im sorry ned

 

darth ned: I WAS REALLY WORRIED AND WE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IF MR STARK WAS GONNA BE ABLE TO GET TO U AND NONE OF US COULDVE GOT TO U IF HE WASN’T AROUND

darth ned: PLEASE MENTION IT TO US, JUST SAY OH YEA MY BREATHING BAD INSTEAD OF TWEETING IT LIKE A COWARD AND WE WOULDVE HAD PYJAMA PARTY TIME AND IT WOULDVE BEEN OKAY

darth ned: EVERYTHING IS GOING TO SHIT AT THE MOMENT AND WE’RE ALL SCARED AS FUCK BUT U STILL GOTTA TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

darth ned: okay im done and im very sorry for shouting but still

darth ned: peter we love and care for you and we worry

 

the chosen one: no its okay I needed that I think

the chosen one: I know it was stupid

the chosen one: I’ll try not to do that again, I promise <3

 

darth ned: <3

 

queen mj: <3

 

-

 

no.1 SI intern @peter-parkour

lab hyperfocus party babeyy

 

Iron Stank @TonyStark

lab hyperfocus party babeyy

 

-

 

war machine??? @IronicPatriot

Has anyone seen Tony and/or Peter in the last fifteen hours???

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there!! i hope you're all doing okay  
> my school shut a few days after i posted the last chapter and online class is,,,, a thing. thank u for all the wonderful comments, im still getting back to them bc my mind is. all over the place rn. rip.  
> join the discord!!! https://discord.gg/a3qC28X the tony college days manbun thing is from a discussion we had on there, and i may or may not have drawn something for it,,,, guess you'll have to join to see it,,,, jk jk unless,,,, also if u join u can see ollie's incredible spidey cosplay photos,,,,,, and the rest of us being chaotic little shits,,, and all that good stuff,,,  
> honestly tho this chapter is dedicated to the discord fam bc you guys are absolutely wonderful. thanks for reminding me what i've written into this hellish thing and what is just inside my brain. also thanks for yelling at me to take my binder off when i couldnt breathe uwu <3

**Author's Note:**

> i'll try and update once or twice a week but who knows  
> i am a cryptid that feeds off comments so plz,,

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [yeeter yarker and co](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21338632) by [PrinceDork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceDork/pseuds/PrinceDork)
  * [twitter cryptids](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21607198) by [doctormissy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctormissy/pseuds/doctormissy)
  * [avenge the tweety bird](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22477507) by [MistMagickyHazel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistMagickyHazel/pseuds/MistMagickyHazel)




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